Free Exploits by Mike Resnick Page B

stop and a big fat Chinaman stepped out, his chest and most of his belly all covered with medals.
    “I have been told that you wish to speak with me,” he said in English.
    “We do if you're General Ling Sen,” I said.
    “General Ling Sen is no longer in charge here,” he said. “I am General Chang.”
    “Well,” I said with a shrug, “it ain't like General Ling Sen was a close personal friend or nothing. This here is Corporal Marmaduke Merriweather of His Majesty's armed forces, and I'm the Honorable Doctor Jones, internationally-known man of the cloth.” Which was probably true, since there were still warrants out for my arrest in Illinois and Egypt and Morocco and Kenya and the Congo and South Africa, and I didn't suppose they could all have forgotten me so soon.
    “Doctor Lucifer Jones?” he said.
    “Now how'd you come to know that?” I asked, surprised.
    He smiled. “Your reputation precedes you, Doctor Jones,” he answered. “Already you have become something of a legend in Hong Kong and Macau.”
    “You don't say.”
    “I very much do say,” replied General Chang. He turned to Merriweather. “And what have we here—a deserter from the British army?”
    “ They deserted me !” replied Merriweather. “ I'm still here at my post.”
    “Why have you sought me out, Doctor Jones?” asked General Chang.
    “I hear tell you run a territory of considerable size and complexity,” I said, “so I just naturally figured that such a big bunch of ignorant yellow heathen—meaning no offense—would probably be in dire need of spiritual uplifting and maybe a nightly bingo tournament, the profits of which the Tabernacle of Saint Luke would be more than happy to split with the employer of these poor lost souls.”
    “And you?” asked General Chang, turning back to Merriweather.
    “I should like to enlist in your army,” said Merriweather.
    “Good. We can always use more men. I trust that you're accomplished at garroting and gouging out eyes?”
    “Well, actually, my specialty is accountancy,” said Merriweather.
    “ Our specialty is conquest, pillage and rape,” said General Chang. “You'll just have to adjust.” He turned to two of his men. “Take him away and see that he's properly equipped.”
    “But—” began Merriweather.
    “No, please don't thank me,” said General Chang, as they began ushering Merriweather away. “All I ask is total, unquestioning loyalty and obedience. You can keep your gratitude for another occasion.”
    “So, General,” I said, when Merriweather was out of earshot, “have we got a deal?”
    “I think not, Doctor Jones,” said General Chang. “Christianity is such a sterile, repressed religion.”
    “Not the way I practice it,” I assured him.
    “The answer is no,” he said firmly. “Which is not to say that I might not have some other use for you.”
    “Long as the pay is good and it don't involve no heavy lifting, I suppose the Good Lord could spare me for a couple of weeks,” I answered.
    “Come with me back to my quarters,” he said, signaling his car to turn around. “We'll talk as we drive.”
    “Suits me,” I said, climbing into the Bentley. “By the way, just where is this kingdom of yours?”
    “You're on it.”
    “I mean, how far does it extend?” I asked, looking off at the hills that rose up in the distance.
    “Hundreds of miles,” he replied.
    “Really?” I said. “You must own half of China.”
    “Even better,” he said with a smile. “I own a six-hundred-mile section of the Great Wall. Any traffic from one side to the other must pay me a healthy tribute.”
    “Yeah?”
    He nodded. “And it just so happens that our most fertile poppy fields are on the west side of the wall, while our best markets for them are on the east side.” He paused. “In truth, I cannot take credit for it. It was General Ling Sen who first saw the potential of taking control of the Wall, and of course the Wall itself was built to be easily