Free #5 Not What I Expected by Laurie Friedman Page B

was at my locker when I saw Matt walking down the hall toward me. He actually slowed down as he got closer to me. I’d like to believe he was going to stop and apologize for what he said last night. But I have no idea what he was going to say because I didn’t give him an opportunity. Right when he passed me, I looked down like I was busy dealing with my lock and didn’t see him. I should have looked up. Not so much to hear what he had to say, but to tell him what I was thinking, which is that what Harry said about him is true. But I didn’t.
    Guess I wasn’t in the mood.
    3:35 p.m.
    Feeling like a loser
    I told Sophie what happened this morning at my locker. “I should have said something when I had the chance.”
    â€œIt’s not the kind of conversation you have at your locker before school,” she said.
    I agreed with her, but I think the real reason I didn’t talk to Matt is because I know he won’t care what I have to say.
    I don’t like him anymore, but seeing him with someone else made me wonder what went wrong when we went out. Was he pissed I went to summer camp? Or that I didn’t let him touch my boobs? Maybe that’s why he was with Libby. Did she let him touch her boobs? At a party? Does it make me a loser that I wouldn’t do that? I don’t think it does.
    So why do I feel like one?
    Wednesday, November 5, 6:05 p.m.
    Babysitting
    Maybe the reason I feel like a loser is because I am one. When I got home from dance, Mom asked me to babysit. “You can heat up the leftover meatloaf from last night,” she said.
    â€œCan we eat in front of the TV?” asked May.
    â€œCan we watch SpongeBob ?” asked June.
    Technically, I’m not sure what the definition of a loser is, but someone who eats leftover meatloaf on the couch with her little sisters while watching a show about a demented sponge can’t be far off.
    Thursday, November 6, 7:10 p.m.
    Babysitting
    Again
    When I got home from dance, Mom asked me if I could babysit again. It was a repeat performance of last night.
    Only difference: lasagna instead of meatloaf.
    Friday, November 7, 8:45 p.m.
    In a rut
    Tonight makes my babysitting average three for three.
    While most kids my age are at football games or parties on a Friday night, I’m home babysitting and eating grilled cheese sandwiches. Which isn’t the worst thing in the world because we’re having tomato soup with the sandwiches, which is the most exciting thing I can think to write about.
    Sad. Very sad.
    Saturday, November 8, 2:45 p.m.
    Feeling sick
    We had an extralong dance practice this morning. We’re in full practice mode since the dance show is at the end of the month. I was completely exhausted because I couldn’t fall asleep until after two. I could barely follow the steps of the freshman modern dance we’re working on for the show. Ms. Baumann called me out twice and during our break. I was so relieved when practice ended. All I wanted to do was go home and take a nap.
    But as I was leaving, Brynn caught up to me. “Are you OK?” she asked.
    â€œYeah,” I said. “I’m just tired.”
    Brynn shook her head like she knew that wasn’t it. “You can’t fool me,” she said. “We’ve been best friends for a long time. Did something happen?”
    It made me feel good she knew me well enough to ask, so I told her what happened at the party and how Matt confronted me on the street. “That sucks,” she said. Then she changed the subject. I’d like to believe it was because she got that I didn’t want to keep talking about Matt. But I think it was because she had something she really wanted to tell me. “April, something happened. It’s big.” Brynn shrugged. “You should know.”
    I nodded like I was listening.
    â€œDo you remember I told you that Billy was coming over on Halloween?”
    â€œYeah.” My gut told