Free Hurt: A Bad Boy MMA Romantic Suspense Novel by London Casey, Ana W. Fawkes Page A

staring at me. His eyes were big and blue. Like mine. He had a full head of hair. He was in some green PJ set with blue dogs on it. I made a mental note to get some black PJ’s with some skulls on them. I wanted my kid to be cool. To be tough.
    I reached my hand down into the crib. Christ, the palm of my hand fit over his entire head. He was soft, warm - he was beautiful.
    I ran my hand down his arm and touched his hand. I offered my hand and he squeezed at the tip of my middle finger.
    “Ouch,” I said and tugged away.
    Jude looked up at me and a smile crept across his face. A glob of drool fell from the corner of his mouth. I wiped it away and smiled back at him.
    “Not bad,” I said. “Not bad at all. I’m going to pick you up, kid. I don’t know if you understand anything I’m saying, but I’m going to keep talking. I talk a lot when I’m nervous. You’ve got me nervous.”
    I slipped both hands to Jude and lifted him up. He weighed damn near nothing. I kept him at arms length for a few seconds, not really sure how to hold a baby. I bent my arms and cradled Jude, figuring he’d wiggle or cry if he didn’t like the way I held him.
    Jude didn’t make a sound. He didn’t move either.
    I held him, my son, for the first time.
    It was a goddamn shot straight to my heart. Like falling in love at first sight. That feeling… that instant feeling… that only happened one other time in my life.
     

21.
     
    (Ashlynn)
     
    I slowly walked the hallway. I said I’d leave Noah alone, but I couldn’t really do that. The mother in me always wanted to protect my son. The single mother in me needed to keep a bigger guard up, especially with the baby’s father. It pained me to think that, but what kind of life did Noah live? Fighting? Shooting people? Going to jail? It all told me he wouldn’t be around like I wanted the father of my baby to be.
    When I made the turn and looked in the bedroom, I lost my breath.
    There was Noah, cradling Jude, gently rocking left to right. He stared down at the baby as the baby stared back at him. There was a connection there. And while Noah looked really uncomfortable holding Jude, he was doing just fine. He was doing amazing, actually. Jude really didn’t like to be cradled on his back, being held with two arms.
    I stepped into the room and couldn’t contain myself. It was a moment I had been desperate for. I stood next to Noah. I touched his back. I then touched Jude’s head.
    “Holy shit,” Noah whispered. “He’s amazing, Ashlynn. You did so amazing.”
    “You put him there,” I said and laughed.
    Noah looked at me. “Yeah, I kind of did.”
    Jude twisted his head to look at me.
    “Hey, baby,” I said. “It’s okay. You’re with… you’re with Daddy .”
    Daddy.
    Noah swallowed and it looked like a bowling ball had gone down his throat.
    Was he going to cry?
    Jude grabbed at Noah and let out a whine.
    “Oh, damn,” Noah said. “He’s squirming. He must not like the old man yet.”
    “No,” I said. “He’s hungry.”
    “I’m getting bailed on for a nice set of tits?”
    I blushed. Nice set of tits. Thanks. I nodded. “Yeah, you are.”
    “He must definitely be my son then,” Noah said with a grin. “Can I help with anything?”
    Now the moment went from sweet family time to a little awkward. The whole breastfeeding thing wasn’t as glorious or some kind of fantasy thing at all. Yeah, my boobs were big and full, but it was for a specific reason. Not suggesting that Noah couldn’t enjoy them either… it was just…
    “I’m okay,” I said. “Thank you.”
    Jude squirmed again and let out a yell.
    “Damn,” Noah said. “He really wants them. So all I have to do is kick and scream, huh?”
    “That’s the secret,” I said.
    “Good to know.”
    I took Jude from Noah. The baby was already grabbing at my shirt. He knew what he wanted and he had no concept of time or waiting so me and his father could have a moment.
    Noah rubbed his jaw. “Do you