Free If Ever I Loved You by Phyllis Halldorson Page B

Peter.
    "Oh no!" she groaned aloud as she brought her pondering
thoughts to a screeching halt. She couldn't love Peter! She couldn't be
so stupid as to fall in love with Peter Van Housen all over again.
She'd had enough of loving that man to last her a lifetime. She was not
a masochist, she was an intelligent, well-educated woman who had risen
from the rubble of a shattered romance once and had no intention of
repeating the performance. She wasn't going to revert back to the
lovesick little ninny who didn't know the difference between a man's
love and his lust.
    So, fine, she would somehow keep her desire for Peter under control, but what about Stewart? Could she in
all decency remain engaged to him when her body cried out for another
man? That was the basest type of dishonesty, but wasn't it better than
telling him the truth? Stewart loved her enough to wait for her and
she'd be a good wife to him. Surely she was woman enough to simulate a
passion she didn't feel. He need never know—
    Don't be such a self-deceiving hypocrite
!
she mentally castigated herself. Of course Stewart would know. He was a
loving and sensitive man and she would hurt him far more by marrying
him than she would by making a clean break of it now. She would never
live with Peter as his wife, but neither could she offer Stewart
second-best. When she saw him tomorrow she would give him back his ring.

    That proved to be easier said than done. She decided not
to have dinner with him but to tell him as soon as he arrived and not
prolong the agony. Still she didn't want to greet him looking tired and
grubby after a day's work, so she left the gallery early and went
upstairs to shower and change into a mint green dress with a large
ruffle at the low V-neckline that widened to a short cape at the
shoulders and back. She added a touch of matching green eye shadow to
accent her violet eyes, and a cherry shade of lip gloss completed her
make-up.
    When Stewart arrived he swept her into his arms and
planted a long, lingering kiss on her soft willing mouth. She couldn't
hurt him by resisting, and besides she liked to have him kiss her. He
didn't arouse her to a smoldering passion, but his kisses represented
warmth, stability and security. She could have been happy married to
this loving older man if Peter hadn't come into her life again.
    He held her close and his beard felt soft against her
cheek. "I've missed you, darling," he murmured. "Let's get married
before I start my next book. I want you with me, even though I'm not
very good company when I'm writing."
    Gina cringed inside at the thought of what she must do,
but it couldn't be put off. Now was the time. Stewart had brought up
the subject of marriage and had given her the perfect opening.
    She took a quick breath and began. "Stewart, I—"
    He hugged her hard and then released her. "I know, baby, I
promised I wouldn't rush you into marriage. I
am
going to hurry you about eating though. I'm starved. We have
reservations for seven o'clock at the Steak & Lobster and it's
at least a half-hour drive up that winding coast highway, so get a move
on."
    He laughed and Gina ducked into the bedroom to pick up her
shawl. He was in a good mood. The least she could do was let him enjoy
his dinner before she clobbered him.
    The restaurant was situated on a bluff overlooking the
ocean, and both the food and the scenery were outstanding. They ordered
lobster and were given huge bibs that tied around their necks to
protect their clothes when they dipped the succulent white chunks of
meat into small pots of warm melted butter that often dripped as they
raised it to their mouths.
    As though by mutual consent they kept the conversation
light. Stewart talked about the letter he'd received from his
honeymooning daughter and Gina told him of the highly profitable two
weeks she'd had at the gallery. Later they danced to the music of the
four-piece combo and he told her how beautiful she was and how much he
wanted to make her his