Free Solaris by Stanislaw Lem Page B

moment, silent the next, sitting down and then getting up again, my terror was gradually overcome by the conviction that it was the real Rheya there in the room with me, even though my reason told me that she seemed somehow stylized, reduced to certain characteristic expressions, gestures and movements.
    Suddenly, she clung to me.
    "What's happening to us, Kris?" She pressed her fists against my chest. "Is everything all right? Is there something wrong?"
    "Things couldn't be better."
    She smiled wanly.
    "When you answer me like that, it means things could hardly be worse."
    "What nonsense!" I said hurriedly. "Rheya, my darling, I must leave you. Wait here for me." And, because I was becoming extremely hungry, I added: "Would you like something to eat?"
    "To eat?" She shook her head. "No. Will I have to wait long for you?"
    "Only an hour."
    "I'm coming with you."
    "You can't come with me. I've got work to do."
    "I'm coming with you."
    She had changed. This was not Rheya at all; the real Rheya never imposed herself, would never have forced her presence on me.
    "It's impossible, my sweet."
    She looked me up and down. Then suddenly she seized my hand. And my hand lingered, moved up her warm, rounded arm. In spite of myself I was caressing her. My body recognized her body; my body desired her, my body was attracted towards hers beyond reason, beyond thought, beyond fear.
    Desperately trying to remain calm, I repeated:
    "Rheya, it's out of the question. You must stay here."
    A single word echoed round the room:
    "No."
    "Why?"
    "I … I don't know." She looked around her, then, once more, raised her eyes to mine. "I can't," she whispered.
    "But why?"
    "I don't know. I can't. It's as though … as though…"
    She searched for the answer which, as she uttered it, seemed to come to her like a revelation. "It's as though I mustn't let you out of my sight."
    The resolute tone of her voice scarcely suggested an avowal of affection; it implied something quite different. With this realization, the manner in which I was embracing Rheya underwent an abrupt, though not immediately noticeable, change.
    I was holding her in my arms and gazing into her eyes.
    Imperceptibly, almost instinctively, I began to pull her hands together behind her back at the same time searching the room with my eyes: I needed something with which to tie her hands.
    Suddenly she jerked her elbows together, and there followed a powerful recoil. I resisted for barely a second. Thrown backwards and almost lifted off my feet, even had I been an athlete I could not have freed myself. Rheya straightened up and dropped her arms to her sides. Her face, lit by an uncertain smile, had played no part in the struggle.
    She was gazing at me with the same calm interest as when I had first awakened—as though she was utterly unmoved by my desperate ploy, as though she was quite unaware that anything had happened, and had not noticed my sudden panic. She stood before me, waiting—grave, passive, mildly surprised.
    Leaving Rheya in the middle of the room, I went over to the washbasin. I was a prisoner, caught in an absurd trap from which at all costs I was determined to escape. I would have been incapable of putting into words the meaning of what had happened or what was going through my mind; but now I realized that my situation was identical with that of the other inhabitants of the Station, that everything I had experienced, discovered or guessed at was part of a single whole, terrifying and incomprehensible. Meanwhile, I was racking my brain to think up some ruse, to work out some means of escape. Without turning round, I could feel Rheya's eyes following me. There was a medicine chest above the basin. Quickly I went through its contents, and found a bottle of sleeping pills. I shook out four tablets—the maximum dose—into a glass, and filled it with hot water. I made little effort to conceal my actions from Rheya. Why? I did not even bother to ask myself.
    When the tablets had