Free The SONG of SHIVA by Michael Caulfield Page B

consider your decision based upon Right Intention and only then move forward. Anything else on your mind? Something more personal perhaps?”
    “Haven’t returned to my old pals in Pat Pong or Nana Plaza, if that’s what you’re asking. Really, I’m not in any trouble. I have my work, the running, reading ― and a mangy soi mutt I’m looking after. I’ve taken on a little metta , you know, the compassionate burden. Don’t worry, Master Sun, my existence may be meager, but I know plenty of others who have it much worse. I’m not bitching. Out loud anyway.”
    “And romantic liaisons?”
    “Let’s not go there, okay?”
    “It’s probably better that we do.”
    “Look, I don’t pry into your love life, do I old man?”
    “I have chosen the monastic life. My celibacy is self-imposed.”
    “Mine too.”
    “It needn’t be.”
    “Oh no? You remember how it was when we first met. I was living on bourbon and bar girls. The women of Krung Thep were beautiful, sure… and very obliging, but I was screwing them more out of anger than anything else. Trying to erase the past… forget the unforgettable.”
    Sun Shi stared into the distance. “Ah yes, a splendid performance as I recall. You, attempting to purchase paradise. The objects of your desire equally intent on escaping miseries of their own. A great carousel absent all hope of obtaining any true spiritual growth. Back then you were absolutely beaten. Desperate. Lost. I agree. But in all honesty, Egan ― and a true Buddhist must be ever truthful ― Prince Siddhartha followed much the same path: devoting many years to all manner of debauchery. It is like happiness, my son. Until sorrow arrives we are quite unaware of our good fortune. At the time of Gautama’s indulgence, his anger was directed at existence.”
    “Mine too, Father. Really, I didn’t want to get into this, but if it’ll get you off my back, okay. Karen was the one love of my life. She’s still dead, by the way. We haven’t covered this ground in years, so why tonight? I came to Thailand to escape the immediacy of that loss and those memories. For a while I did a great job of it too. But I cleaned up my act years ago. I’ll admit, you helped plenty. Congratulations. But, sorry, I’m not interested in resurrecting those ghosts. Listen, you’ve never loved anyone――”
    “How do you know that, my son? Remember, I have not always been chao awat of Tee Pueng Sut Taai.”
    “You’re right. Okay, I don’t know everything about you, but...” He paused, preparing himself. “You know how sure you are that the Lord Buddha provides the only escape route from the endless cycle of death and rebirth? That’s how sure I am that another love’s not in the cards for me. I’m grateful. Really. Fate may not always be kind, but I genuinely consider my solitary life one of its blessings.”
    Sun Shi wafted a curling column of joss smoke distractedly. “There are seasons to the life of the soul as well, my son. While my spiritual journey is approaching its winter; yours is still mired in the spring. Removal from the demands of physical existence is not possible for you. You would benefit from a companion to help achieve the growth that this life affords and you should seek her out. It will not soil the previous relationship. But understand, your former path was severed for a reason. Don’t think for a moment moving forward in any way casts a shadow on that past. Many more cycles may be necessary before it is even desirable for you to seek more than what such a relationship can teach you now.
    “For some time now I have sensed a truncation occurring in the Tao – the Path folding in upon itself. All these things, not only for you, but for many others, are poised upon a cusp. I suggest you seek Right Action first ― that which is proper for you at this time ― and pursue it with your entire being.”
    The Tanner reacted. “Sure. Lord Buddha teaches this and Lord Buddha teaches that, but