Free Miracle In March by Juliet Madison Page B

everything was going so well and it looked like things might become more…permanent, something happened.’ She cleared her throat. ‘I didn’t want to worry you, didn’t want to burden you, but I knew I would never be able to give you what you wanted, so I left. To make it easier.’
    â€˜Easier? For you or me?’ he said.
    â€˜For both of us.’
    His eyes scored her like lasers, honing in on the truth that lay beneath, waiting to extract it.
    She ran a hand over her wet hair, the coolness echoing that which emanated from him. ‘I’d been having some…problems, with my health. Women’s stuff. It was embarrassing, it’s not exactly something a woman wants to talk about with her boyfriend.’ She lowered her head. ‘But when I went to my specialist, expecting a simple change in medication or maybe a small procedure to reduce the symptoms, she found something.’
    James narrowed his eyes and tilted his head, and it appeared like he was holding his breath, waiting for the truth to come out.
    Emma gulped. Her legs weakening like a deflating balloon, she moved to the bench and sat, gripping the armrest. James stood in front of her, arms still crossed, eyes still anticipating her revelation.
    â€˜It wasn’t common for someone my age, but the evidence was plain to see.’ Emma took a deep breath, though it felt like no oxygen had entered her lungs. ‘I had aggressive cancer in my uterus.’ The words felt foreign to her now, whereas once they had been so familiar. Like James; familiar and part of her one minute, foreign and far removed the next.
    â€˜Cancer? What? Are you…’ James stepped closer and his hand stretched towards her for a split second, before he stepped back again and stiffened.
    â€˜I’m okay now, in remission,’ she reassured. ‘But back then, I didn’t know what might happen and didn’t want —’
    â€˜Why the hell didn’t you tell me?’ James’ voice was high-pitched.
    â€˜James, I was going to, but that night I went over to your place, your friend’s kids were there and you were having so much fun. And right after we’d had that talk too, and I just couldn’t. I couldn’t do it, I’m sorry.’ She hung her head and rubbed at her neck.
    â€˜But I don’t understand, I mean, why, what —’
    â€˜I’m broken, James.’ She instinctively clutched her stomach. ‘It’s gone, all of it. I had a hysterectomy, followed by chemotherapy. That day, I’d found out that not only would I never carry a child, I could potentially…’ she couldn’t say the word. ‘That survival wasn’t guaranteed, as the cancer had spread. Our relationship was just warming up and I didn’t want to put that on you. I didn’t want your life and dreams to be affected by my problem, didn’t want you to…to see me go through that.’ Her chin quivered and she clamped her lips tight. ‘I knew if I left then, you’d still have a chance. With someone else. You always wanted to be a father, and I wasn’t about to rob you of that opportunity.’
    â€˜Christ, Emma.’ James ran his hand through his hair, shaking his head. ‘And you’re sure things are okay now?’
    She nodded.
    â€˜I would have helped you, can’t you see that?’ He glanced up at the cabin then lowered his voice, no doubt not wanting to wake Jackson. ‘I would have been there for you!’ He flung his hands in the air.
    â€˜I know you would have, and that’s why I had to go. I could barely handle the effect on my parents, I didn’t want you to suffer too.’
    â€˜But I did, Emma. I suffered!’ He jabbed at his chest with his finger. ‘Because you left!’
    The pain of her impossible choice resurfaced, and her chest ached. ‘But it would have been easier than the alternative and you know