Free Moonstar by David Gerrold Page B

wither Dakkarik or Rethrik. We made great games out of each decision. Dardis would dance around, laughing and pointing, saying ‘Today, Jobe will be a birth-mother; Olin, you’re a father. You will be for Dakka, Kaspe, and I will be for Reethe—’ And then we’d all break up in laughter, for it was known by all of us that Dardis wanted Dakka; that was all she ever spoke of. To hear her make a claim for Reethe was outrageous at the least. And when the joke was over, she would say, ‘All right, I guess I’ll be a Dakkarik instead—’ That’s when the game would usually end before beginning, because all the good parts had been taken by all the older and more dominant children. Sensing the injustice of having to be what others had decided I must be, instead of being allowed to choose my own role as they had, I would complain. It wasn’t fair that I should have the baby’s part, especially when I was not the youngest playing; so I’d complain, I was good at that, insisting that I be allowed to be a Dakkarik like the others once in a while too. Like always. (And if it had been reversed, I’d have wanted to be Rethrik; it was neither Dakka nor Reethe I wanted, but acceptance.) Except one time when well-intentioned Kirstegaarde told them to let me play as Dakka, the game just didn’t work; I was too smug at having won, they were too resentful. Which is why I was excluded from the games a lot—which is also why I kept getting dolls, so I would at least be happy playing alone. At least my dolls could not argue back. They always had to follow my lead, I rarely needed consideration for their roles—which is probably why most of those around me were far better integrated socially, and also far more conscious of impending Choice and its inherent roles.
    â€œIt was after Dardis died and returned to the sea—one darkday she heard the huuru call and by the next dawning she was dead—that Kaspe and Olin began to talk seriously of blush. Without Dardis to guide the game and influence their Choices, they seemed ill at ease and at a loss for motivation; but as the shock grew into numbness and feeling began to return—too strong to be denied for long—they began to consider their respective Choices on their own; and as they did, I too began to realize that the moment I had always thought to be distant and unspecified was in actuality looming up at me within a measurable time.
    â€œPotto and Porro were already off at Option, and Grandpere was making plans to send the three of us as well, so sure was she that Option was a proper course and would insure a life of inner happiness and peace—except that Kaspe abruptly fell in love with Toko from the Outland Islands and moved off suddenly to settle with her and three others in a brand-new circle. The surprise was that she chose for Reethe—or perhaps it was not such a surprise at all. Toko was already Dakkarik; they loved each other very much, and Kaspe knew that if she chose for Dakka, then the two of them would have to marry other wives into their circle and would not as often have the chance to make love with each other. So she chose for Reethe so she could hold her Toko close at night and bear her children and be her lover all the time, even though to all the rest of us her soul seemed mostly Dakka—but such is love and Reethe and Dakka live in all of us and either may express herself in love, and often they take turns It’s said a person isn’t whole until she has been both and accepted both within herself. I think that such was the case with Kaspe. Toko loved her all the more for her decision; they were very close because they understood each other.
    â€œBecause of that, Olin, who had been closest to Kaspe, decided not to go to Option. She and Kaspe had planned to choose for Dakka and then to start a circle of their own. Now, it seemed to Olin, Kaspe had made a selfish Choice and left no