Free Gertrude by Hermann Hesse Page A

Four
    D URING THE SHORT PERIOD of my visits to the pious theosophist and fruit grower, I one day received a small check, the reason for which was a mystery to me. It had been sent to me by a well-known north German concert agent with whom, however, I had never had any dealings. On making inquiries, I received the reply that this amount had been forwarded to me by order of Mr. Heinrich Muoth. He had sung at six concerts a song composed by me and this sum represented my fee.
    I then wrote to Muoth, thanked him and asked for news. Above all, I wanted to know how my song had been received at the concerts. I had heard about Muoth’s recitals and had seen reviews of them once or twice in the newspapers, without however seeing my song mentioned. I wrote to him about my activities and work in minute detail, as solitary people often do, and also enclosed one of my new songs. Then I waited for an answer. As I had still received none after four weeks, I forgot all about the whole matter again. Almost every day I wrote music, which haunted me as in a dream. During the intervals, however, I felt limp and discontented. I very much disliked giving lessons and felt I could not endure it much longer.
    I therefore felt that a curse was lifted from me when I finally received a letter from Muoth. He wrote:
    Dear Mr. Kuhn,
    I am no letter writer. I did not answer your letter, as I did not really know what to say. But now I can put forward concrete proposals. I am now engaged at the Opera House here in R. and I should be pleased if you could also come here. You could, in the first place, obtain a position here as a second violinist. The conductor is an intelligent, frank man, even though somewhat abrupt. You would probably also soon have an opportunity to play some of your music. We have good chamber concerts here. I also have something to tell you about your songs; one thing is that there is a publisher who wants to bring them out. But writing is such a bore. It would be better if you came. Come quickly and wire me about the position.
    Yours,
    MUOTH
    I was thus suddenly dragged away from my unprofitable hermit’s existence. I was again drawn into the stream of life, had hopes and cares, sorrows and joys. There was nothing to keep me, and my parents were glad to see me take my first definite step in my career in life. I sent a wire without delay, and three days later I was in R. with Muoth.
    I had obtained accommodation in a hotel. I went to visit Muoth but did not find him in. Then he came to my hotel and unexpectedly stood before me. He held out his hand, asked me no questions, did not tell me anything and did not share my excitement in the slightest. He was used to letting himself be drawn along by events, only experiencing and taking seriously the present moment. He hardly gave me time to change my clothes and then took me to see Rössler, the conductor.
    â€œThis is Mr. Kuhn,” he said.
    Rössler nodded. “How do you do! What can I do for you?”
    â€œHe is the violinist,” cried Muoth.
    The conductor looked at me with surprise, turned to the singer again and said rudely: “You didn’t tell me that the gentleman was lame. I must have people with straight limbs.”
    The blood rose to my face but Muoth remained calm. He just laughed. “Do you want him to dance, Rössler? I thought he was to play the violin. If he can’t do that, we must send him away again. But let us hear him first.”
    â€œVery well, gentlemen. Mr. Kuhn, come and see me tomorrow morning about nine o’clock, here in my rooms. Are you annoyed at what I said about the foot? Well, Muoth should have told me about it. Anyway, we shall see. Till tomorrow!”
    As we went away, I reproached Muoth about it. He shrugged his shoulders and said that if he had mentioned my infirmity at the beginning, it would have been difficult to obtain the conductor’s consent. Now I was here and if Rössler found me reasonably