Free Calling All Birdbrains by R.L. Stine Page B

shoulder?”
    He slowly lowered his face to mine. “You’d better have a good answer, Bridges.”

Chapter 4
W HO’S A D UMB T WEET ?
    Was I worried? Nervous? Totally in a panic?
    No way.
    I knew I could talk my way out of this jam—with my lucky bird there. Lucky Lippy never lets me down.
    Mr. Skruloose leaned over me. We were nearly forehead to forehead. I couldn’t believe it. The dude had big muscles in his forehead !
    â€œLet’s hear it, soldier!” he boomed.
    I cleared my throat. “Well, sir,” I started, “I’m president of the Wildlife Club. Early morning is thebest time to wake up and see wildlife stuff—don’t you agree?”
    He stared at me, trying to decide if I was lying.
    â€œI love to get up before the sun,” I said. “If it means I can see exciting wildlife—like this wild African parrot.”
    Skruloose eyed the parrot.
    I stuck out my hand. “Perhaps you’d like to make a donation to the Wildlife Club, sir?” I said. “If you have a spare ten-dollar bill, I know everyone in our club will appreciate it.”
    I waited for Skruloose to pull out his wallet. He had to believe my story. The lucky parrot always brings me luck when I’m in a jam.
    â€œA donation?” Skruloose cried. “Bridges, why should I give you money when you have a big wad of dollar bills in your shirt pocket?”
    â€œWell, I can explain that, sir,” I said. “We members of the club need money to protect endangered animals, sir. Like this poor parrot. He—”
    â€œThere IS no Wildlife Club!” Skruloose thundered. “You were up all night playing cards—weren’t you?”
    â€œNo way!” I cried. “Well…maybe…”
    Skruloose grabbed my shoulder and lifted me about two feet off the ground. “I’m taking you to Headmaster Upchuck’s office,” he said. “You can tell him about your all-night card game.”
    â€œHuh?”
    That’s all I could say. I was too dazed to talk.
    How could this happen to me, the Great Bernie B.?
    I had failed to talk my way out of a jam. That never happens—not when I have Lippy with me.

    Lippy called to Skruloose.

    â€œThink that’s funny, Bridges?” Skruloose sneered. “Think I don’t know that’s you imitating a parrot?”
    â€œBut, sir—” I started.
    â€œWhen you’re finished with the Headmaster,” Skruloose boomed, “come see me . We can talk about what’s funny and what isn’t.”

    Lippy squawked.

    Mr. Skruloose’s face turned bright red. I think that meant he was kinda angry.
    I shook my head as he carried me to the Headmaster’s office.
    What just happened here? Did Lucky Lippy just get me into even worse trouble?

Chapter 5
T HE E CCH N EEDS A P ARTNER
    Headmaster Upchuck lectured me for two hours. He said if he caught me playing cards again, he’d give me an even longer lecture.
    I said, “Don’t worry, sir. You won’t catch me.”
    â€œBernie, before you go, here’s a bit of advice,” Upchuck said. “Whatever it is you like to do…don’t do it.”
    â€œGood advice, sir,” I said. I gave him a sharp, two-fingered salute.

    I gritted my teeth. Was Lippy going to get me into even more trouble?
    The Upchuck laughed. “Very funny parrot, Bernie,” he said. Then his smile faded. “Get rid of him. Pets aren’t allowed on campus.”
    â€œPet, sir?” I said. “This bird isn’t a pet. He’s a wild bird. He migrated here from the west coast of Africa.”
    Upchuck stared at Lippy. “He flew ten thousand miles and just happened to land on your shoulder?”
    â€œGo figure, sir.”
    The Headmaster frowned. “Bernie, let me give you one more piece of advice.”
    â€œYes, sir,” I said.

    Upchuck said.
    â€œGood advice, sir,” I said