Free The Girl of Diamonds and Rust (The Half Shell Series Book 3) by Unknown Page B

but mess with him for four years,” Rene hisses, shaking her head angrily. “I’m sick of watching it. I’m glad I’m out of here.”
    “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
    She whirls from the sink to face me. “No? Well, here’s what I do know. Even a guy as crazy over you as Neil is will get fed up eventually with your shit and walk away. Grow up, Chrissie. Learn to think about someone else for a change.”
    That was mean, so mean, Rene.
    I am able to meet her stare for stare without flinching or crying, and I take a few more bites of my food and then toss what’s left into the trashcan.
    When I get into the living room, I find Neil rummaging through things and tossing them into boxes. I start packing up my shit, and occasionally peek at Neil. He doesn’t say a word.
    In the bedroom, he goes to his side of the closet and I go to mine. In less than an hour, I’m done. I undress, put on one of his t-shirts and climb into bed.
    Neil is still packing up things from the drawers.
    “I’m sorry I brought stuff up in front of Rene,” I say. “It’s a hard decision. I’m not messing with you. I hope you know that. I’m just not sure what I should do.”
    He doesn’t look at me. “You’ll do what you decide to do,” is all he says, tossing the last of his junk into a box and then sealing it with packing tape.
    He takes off his clothes, tosses them in a pile, and then climbs into bed. He turns off the light and settles back against his pillow. I become acutely aware of the space between our bodies.
    I roll over on my pillow to face him. His eyes are open. He’s awake.
    “I don’t want you pissed at me,” I say.
    His head does an aggravated flutter on the pillow. “I’m not pissed, Chrissie.”
    “Then why are you over there? You’re practically on the edge of the bed.”
    “I’m just tired,” he says, but then he moves his arm so I can rest my head on his shoulder.
    He kisses the top of my head and closes his eyes. I stare up at him, the lines of his face, the messy arrangement of his chestnut waves. I lean upward. I kiss the underside of his chin.
    He adjusts me against him. “Don’t start anything unless you intend to follow through this time.”
    I flush. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
    His eyes open and the way he looks at me makes me tense. “You sleep cuddled against me. You touch me. You kiss me. You let me hold you. But you don’t fuck me, Chrissie. I get it. But it doesn’t help. I’m horny as hell.”
    I can feel the heat move from my cheeks to my neck. “I’m sorry.”
    His arms tighten around me. “It’s OK. I get it. You couldn’t after…” He breaks off, not going there. “I know it might take a while to get there mentally again. I just really miss being with you, Chrissie. I love you.”
    The way he effortlessly shares his heart makes me ashamed of how little of me I share with him. I don’t know why I hold back. Neil is safe and loving and unselfish. The kindest guy I’ve ever known.
    I kiss his chest. “I want to make love with you. I’m just kind of afraid to try.”
    “I know,” he says, and his body turns a little more into me, holding me closer. He kisses my brow. “Don’t be afraid. For once tell me everything you’re thinking. We can think it through together.”
    Don’t be afraid? He makes it sound so easy but it’s not. Not for me and it never has been. There are times I feel like I’m possessed by my fear, paralyzed in my life, unable to manage anything because I am afraid.
    “I want to go to Seattle. I’m afraid,” I confess.
    “I know, Chrissie.”
    He brushes the hair from my face and kisses my cheek.
    “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with my life, Neil.”
    He kisses my mouth. Against my lips, he says, “I know. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with my life either. I don’t think anyone knows for sure. I think we all just do.”
    His mouth lightly trails down my neck and I can feel him starting to work