Free Tales of a Drama Queen by Lee Nichols Page A

the sticky couches, next to a wicker basket filled with condoms, and pretend to concentrate on the application while checking out the competition. Another woman is filling out the same form. Her suit is royal blue,and appears to be a polyester blend. I feel sorry for her, and when our eyes meet I give her an encouraging smile and turn to my clipboard.
    Name: Elle Medina Date of Birth: 10/21
    Occupation: Future Developmental Coordinator at Planned Parenthood
    Marital status: Separated from fiancé.
    Occupation: He’s a highly-paid attorney.
    Current medications: None.
    Have you ever smoked cigarettes? Yes( X ) No ( )
    But just my first year of college.
    Current alcohol consumption:
    # drinks per week: Anywhere from 1 to 6 / 8 / 15
    Major injuries: broke wrist
    If any, describe: Wanted to prove to Jamie Erheart in sixth grade that she wasn’t the only one who could do back hand-springs.
    Are you on any special diets? Yes( X ) No( )
    If yes, describe: Sugar Busters, Zone, Not-Zone and The Famous Overnight Hollywood Celebrity Diet.
    Do you do breast self-exam regularly? Yes( ) No( X )
    Date of last Pap smear: 3 years ago
    Normal Yes( X ) No( )
    Are you sexually active at this time?
    Yes( ) No( X )
    Is your sex life satisfactory for you?
    Yes( ) No( X )q Would like to be sexually active at this time.
    How many partners have you had this year? 1
    How many partners have you had in your lifetime? IIII II
    Â 
    This is way more personal than I expected. I guess they’re looking for someone who really believes in Planned Parenthood. Someone open with her sexuality. I can be open. Maybe I’m too open. Is seven a lot of partners? Or pathetically few? I mean, six of them were between the ages of sixteen and twenty—they don’t ask about that. They should have a question about average number of partners per year. I ought to get credit for being monogamous between twenty and twenty-six.
    I hand the clipboard back to the receptionist, expecting her to comment on my speediness. I definitely filled it out far faster than the competition. I can see her pen still poised halfway down the first page.
    â€œI’ve always been fast at forms,” I tell the girl behind the counter. I have been. I’m very fast at forms.
    She doesn’t seem impressed. “Have a seat. They’ll be calling you.”
    I return to the sticky couch until my name is called by a hatchet-faced woman in the white doctor’s coat. I offer a professional-type smile and my hand. “I’m Elle Medina. Nice to meet you.”
    She cocks her head and ignores my hand. “Pleeze. Come theez vay.”
    â€œOh, are you from Germany?” I ask. Trying to make confident, career-woman chatter as we head into a spare examination room.
    â€œNo.”
    It’s the shortest “no” I’ve ever heard. Any shorter, and she would have said nothing. “From where, then?”
    â€œYou vould not know it.”
    â€œIs it smaller than Rhode Island?” I ask.
    She glares, and I remember Rule One of job interviews: Do not alienate scary European prospective co-worker.
    â€œPleeze sit, and remoof your jacket.”
    The only place to sit is the examination table. “I’m fine, thanks.”
    â€œI vill be unable to take your blood prezure if you do not remoof ze jacket.”
    â€œMy blood pressure?” I know they make you pee into a cup for some jobs, but this is ridiculous. I try to convince myself that blood pressure measurement is how they weed out high-stress candidates. I fail. “I think there’s been a mistake. I’m here for the development job. I want that position. Not—” I point to the stirrups extending from the table “—this position.”
    The nurse is not amused. Happily the doctor arrives and finds the situation quite funny. He’s a short, roly-poly man and we hit it off immediately.
    When we finish chuckling about the misunderstanding, he gives my