Free Kismetology by Jaimie Admans Page B

get
on really well."
    And I really do. Unless he makes some vast, unforgivable
mistake during the next half hour, he’s in there.
     
    "So, David?" I say to Mum when she gets back from
that date the following night.
    "No."
    "Just no?"
    "Just no."
    "But he likes animals and outdoorsy stuff. And he looks
a bit like Mel Gibson with more hair."
    "No. Thanks, but no."
    I sigh in frustration. He was my last option, and honestly,
the responses haven’t really been promising enough to go through it all again
with different ads.
    "Mum, I don’t think you’re really trying here. Are you
even giving these men a chance?"
    "He said he doesn’t like little yappy dogs."
    "Oh." Definitely a no go there, then. Why didn’t I
ask him if he had any preference as to breeds of dog that were acceptable? Or
perhaps I should’ve been tipped off by the fact he said he owned two Dobermans.
    "Okay," I say. "A deal breaker is a deal
breaker. I’ll find someone else."
    "Someone who likes Baby. You should take a photo along
to show them."
    "I don’t think so," I say, horrified by the mere
thought of presenting a photo of my mother’s Yorkie in the middle of a dinner
date.
    "Suit yourself. But don’t expect me to like a man who
won’t like my Baby."
    "I wouldn’t dream of it." If she notices my
sarcasm, she doesn’t say anything.
     

 
    CHAPTER 16
     
    Out of all the personal ads I
responded too, the only one who didn't call back was Cruise Guy —the
Norah Jones fan. I find five out of six responses a pretty good average, which
is why I am even contemplating the madness that I am right now. I have the
phone in my hand, and I’m about to call in my very own advert. It can’t hurt to
try, right? How bad can it be?
     
    " Date my mother! Seeking a 45-60 yr old male to date
my 49 yr old, animal-loving mother. She’s fun, friendly, and loves outdoor
activities. "
     
    Okay, so it’s not perfect, but it’ll do. Let’s see if we get
any responses. There is one thing that worries me though: Would men really jump
through that many hoops just to meet a woman? And how desperate would they have
to be to do so? Does it mean that they’re so repulsive they’ve been unable to
get a date the normal way and are resulting to desperate measures?
    The ad comes out in Thursday’s newspaper, and I wait with
baited breath. I flick straight to the dating page, and wow, would you look at
that. We’re the third ad down the list in the first column of Women Seeking
Men. Prime positioning. That should generate some replies.
    Sure enough, when I call in to my message box after work on
Thursday night, there is a grand total of one message. Oh. That’s quite
disappointing. But maybe all single men are in work today, and they won’t read
the paper until they get home. Yeah. That’s better. I listen to my message.
     
    " Hi, this is Jim. I saw your ad in the paper and
think it’s lovely that you’re placing personal ads on your mother’s behalf. She
sounds great. I’d love to meet her. "
     
    Even though he sounds a little nervous on the message, I
think that may be an endearing quality. Or maybe I’m just getting really
desperate for Mum to find a guy she likes. If I don’t come up with the goods
soon, she might give up on me. Jim has left his phone number and I give him a
call straight away.
    Because it’s not me that I’m finding a date for, I don’t
waste a lot of time on the phone. If it was for me, I’d get to know them a bit
first before arranging to meet, but I figure that it’s at Belisana, it’s safe
and the waitresses will do something horrible if the guy is an asshole, it’s
easier just to go meet the guy. You can tell a lot more about someone in
person, anyway.
    Like the person I’m meeting the following night at Belisana.
    He’s there before me, but I know I’m on time, which makes
him super on time. Enthusiasm is good, so I’m impressed. He stands up to greet
me, and superficially, he’s pretty much exactly what I want. He’s