Free Thirst: A Novel of the Iran-Iraq War by Mahmoud Dowlatabadi Page B

camps. So here I am now, a
talie
who must not be seen. My banner is invisible and my flag is the earth into which I have burrowed so as to remain unobserved. But before I die, I must take down that skilful sniper. Show me the way, O dove! Angels materialize in your image. Reveal a path to me so that death makes me forget its petty meaning. But why do I feel as if my shoulders have been bound? In ancient hand-to-hand combat, the illusion of valour and chivalry was nothing but a veil to cover the abomination of slaughter. But now I must summon up strength of purpose, I must recall those acts of courage which this tract of land has no doubt witnessed on many occasions. Here, on this meadow and along these paths. I have no choice in this matter! But why do I feel as though my shoulders have been bound? Just like the shoulders of this unfortunate prisoner?’
    ‘Well, well first lieutenant on duty, Abu Muslim, Laith Saffari, Babak Khorramdin, Qarmati, Sepid Jam-e, and Nakhshabi! O warrior! You’re in deep! You’ve fallen into a trap that they set for wolves. You’ve been had, O you progenitor of all races and ideals, O wayward child of times present and past! Did you harbour naïve hopes or …’
    Are you teasing me, Dove? Mocking me?’
    ‘No, I’m not teasing you. This is deadly serious.’
    ‘I know.’
    ‘A literal dead-end.’
    ‘Yes … Every fibre of my body and brain tells me so.’
    ‘So … what about you?’
    ‘I still exist, Dove.’
    ‘You haven’t been incapacitated yet, then?’
    ‘No, as you can see, I’m still here.’
    ‘Being … yes, you’re a being. But it only takes a “non” to turn “being” into “non-being”.’
    ‘Are you trying to frighten me, Dove? I’ve read about, heard and seen the state of non-being with my own eyes. And I have not come from the desert of non-being just to be returned to it. You know I have taken the name of a bird. A bird cannot be destroyed, rather, a bird is
besmel
ed. ‡ That is the non-being that we mentioned in the beginning together, you and I.’
    ‘But you’re thirsty, aren’t you?’
    ‘Yes … and down there is water. A little hope perhaps?’
    ‘It depends on how long you can survive in the name of “dove”. And on how long it will be before you succumb to fatigue. You are, after all, made of skin and bones and nerves!’
    ‘Dove … dove …’
    ‘Daybreak is approaching, the infernal sun.’
    ‘I will put an end to this before dawn, Dove, before the dawn arrives and sunlight appears!’
    ‘Why don’t you pay a visit to the neighbouring trench?’
    ‘You’ve read my mind there. I’d thought of doing precisely that. I’ll be there in a moment. I’m here to conquer,Bird, after all. I’m here to win a battle, so I don’t have any other choice, do I? Death is my only option! The water tank is down there. In a secure location. I’ve lost five men already trying to get to the water tank. I have to fetch that water myself. I’ll bring back all of the water bottles full. But …’
    ‘Yes. It is exactly as you see. The enemy troops were also seven in number, and now …’
    ‘Aaaaah! No doubt their lips are cracked and so is the skin on their hands. And their faces have all shed skin … teenagers … aaaah … my young men … is this how you were hushed up?’
    ‘Yes, warrior! They got there sooner than you. They were quicker and braver. You can check their heartbeat with your ears. Maybe some of them still have a pulse.’
    ‘Yes … yes … maybe water will be still useful.’
    ‘It’s much easier than bringing water up, and burying corpses is much harder than providing water …’
    ‘… or getting
besmel
ed while bringing water up. I don’t want to die this easily, no! They’ve left their guns for me – my inheritance. And one of them is from a religious minority, he has two chains and plaques round his neck. Two! They all tore their collars in frustration, Dove. Suffocation … When the