Free Sticks and Stones by Ilsa Evans Page B

hadn’t been that great before but after . . . well, it was bad.’ She hesitated, remembering. ‘Awful.’
    â€˜Oh. Was he violent?’
    Maddie nodded rather than saying it out loud. ‘And the thing is that the more I tried to pull away, the worse he got. Not just the physical stuff but the mental as well. All the threats, and not returning the kids, making complaints about me to the authorities, making copies of all my keys. One time he even broke in and left a dead bird on the kitchen table. Other times he came in the middle of the night and just watched me sleep.’ Maddie closed her eyes momentarily and then opened them to stare intently at Kim. ‘I honestly,
honestly
, don’t know how it would have ended up if I’d stayed. Because he was never going to give up. Never.’
    Kim’s eyes had widened. ‘God.’
    â€˜He wasn’t always like that,’ said Maddie, suddenly feeling oddly defensive. Not just of Jake himself, but also of her choice of him as a partner. ‘Not that bad anyway. But towards the end, well, he was pretty . . . full on.’
    Kim shook her head, as if trying to take this all in. ‘He must have been. For you to do . . . that.’
    Maddie felt a swell of liquid guilt. ‘I wouldn’t have, if there’d been any other choice. Because he really did love those kids, you know. In his own way. And he’s missed out on so much.’
    â€˜But what about the court system? Couldn’t you have used that?’
    Maddie laughed flatly, remembering how delighted Jake had been with that prospect. Where as the adversarial nature of the system just filled her with dread, for him it was like a welcome mat. Come in, sit down, enjoy.
    â€˜Then counselling?’ asked Kim, still frowning. ‘Or one of those parenting courses?’
    â€˜He wouldn’t have done it.’
    â€˜But surely . . . well, if he knew what the alternative was?’
    Maddie stared at Kim in silence for a few moments. ‘You think I did the wrong thing?’
    â€˜Of course not!’ Kim looked horrified. ‘Not at all! Please don’t think that. For starters, I wasn’t even there, so how can I judge?’ She reached forward suddenly and put her hand over Maddie’s. ‘I’m just trying to get a sense . . . it’s just so huge, that’s all. Like how did you do it? I mean, how does someone . . . do that?’
    â€˜It wasn’t easy.’ Maddie was relieved to move on, away from the reasons. ‘And I was lucky that I had help, support. There was my sister, and also this wonderful little old lady next door. She was as gutsy as they come. Anyway, I told Jake I was moving back home, so that got him off my back for a few days. But oh, Kim . . .’ Maddie went quiet as she pictured, not for the first time, how Jake must have been that Thursday night, coming home from work, expecting his family to be there. He had planned to take them out to dinner, to celebrate.
    â€˜It must have been hard. For everyone.’
    â€˜Yes. Especially because . . .’ Maddie slipped her hand out from underneath Kim’s and laid it over the top instead, holding it tight, to
make
her understand. ‘See, what people don’t get is that I
loved
him. Very, very much. It was like there were two Jakes. The one who was an utter bastard, and the other one who was just wonderful. Everything I ever wanted. And even when I left, I still loved him. That Jake.
My
Jake.’
    â€˜Yet you . . .’
    Maddie let go of Kim’s hand as she nodded. ‘Yes.’
    â€˜Well, I’ve never been in that situation so I won’t pretend to understand. It’s easy for me to say I’d never . . . you know. When all
my
marriage did was peter out, so it was actually a relief by the time we acknowledged it was over. For