Free Miss Chopsticks by Xinran Page B

Her mother always said that people who couldn’t swim (and that was most of the girls in the village) shouldn’t go near the local pond because the water ghosts had eaten all the soggy drowned bodies they wanted and were always eager for a taste of a little dry duckling who had never gone near water. She remembered a childhood friend, Hehua, who had slipped into the pond while washing clothes.
    But before she had time to tell the fat lady she couldn’t swim, a shout made Five jump.
    â€˜Back so soon, Banyue? Did you have any luck today? I remember how last week you froze for a whole day without finding anyone. So this is the new assistant. Hello there!’ A middle-aged lady wearing a white uniform with green bars at the collar and sleeves greeted them hurriedly.
    â€˜Her name’s Five. Five, this is Ping from the Pool of Mental Cultivation – she’s very nice. Yes, that’s right, Ping. Manager Shui keeps telling me to find assistants who will stay, but these days it’s as if decent girls have oil under their feet they leave so quickly. Vocational school certificates and a smattering of English are all very well, but as soon as one arrives, another goes off to be a “personal secretary”. We’ve virtually become a headhunting company! It seems like education and practicality are fire and water – they can’t be mixed. Anyway, see you later, Ping …’
    The first thing that struck Five when she was introduced to Manager Shui was the size of his stomach. It was so enormous it seemed to Five that you could keep a piglet inside it. What made a man’s belly grow so big? She thought about the fattest man in her village. They called him Bao Daye, meaning ‘Old Mister Treasure’, not because it was his real name, but because of his great learning. He was the most widely travelled man in the whole village and had even been to the far north-east of China where the trees were tall, people were giants and the horses were strong. It was said that, up there, even their pancakes were like the lid of a barrel. Five had always believed that Bao Daye kept all his learning in his fat tummy, and that was why he was always able to answer questions and tell stories. Clearly Manager Shui must have a belly full of learning too and deserved her utmost respect. She felt her shoulders start to hunch forward in an involuntary bow, though she really wanted to stand up straight.
    â€˜Pleased to meet you, Miss Five,’ said Manager Shui in ajolly voice. ‘I’m not a great one for “Manager this” and “Manager that” all the time, but since my staff all call me Manager Shui, you’d better go along with them. Now, Five, tell me a bit about yourself. I don’t believe this form holds the story of your life! What do you say? Will five minutes be enough, I … Hold on, sorry … Hello …’
    Manager Shui pulled a beeping thing out of his pocket and walked into an inner room with it, squeezing his stomach through the narrow doorframe. Five could hear him laughing behind the closed door and guessed that he must be talking on the telephone even though she hadn’t seen him holding a receiver like the one in the village Production Brigade office. Three had told her that city people all had phones they could carry about so that they could talk to family and friends wherever they went, or even read jokes on it or use it as a clock. She felt proud of herself for working out what was going on.
    Manager Shui stayed talking in the inner room for a long time, so Five took the opportunity to look around the huge office. It was much bigger than the Production Brigade office with several tables, two hard seats and three chairs of different sizes wrapped in red cloth. On the largest table, which gleamed with polish, were a telephone – the kind her uncles used – and something that Five had never seen before: a glass window in a plastic frame