Free The Great Glowing Coils of the Universe by Joseph Fink Page B

was mostly things like: “I have an idea about Cecil finding old cassettes of himself” or “I think it’d be interesting to have an episode where Cecil suddenly isn’t there and someone else is running the show.” More on these ideas soon.
    I wrote the first draft of episode 32 wherein yellow helicopters with the Strexcorp logos start showing up in Night Vale. In episode 19, A and B, Kevin R. Free played such a delightfully evil Kevin from Desert Bluffs, I just wanted to find ways to get that story back into the show.
    So here in episode 32, I had Strexcorp buy the Night Vale Community Radio Station.
    When I sent over the first draft of the script, Joseph’s response was “Oh, I guess we’re doing this.” I didn’t really recognize what we were doing until we were doing what we were doing, but he was right, we were doing it.
    â€”Jeffrey Cranor

A lonely heart. A wandering eye. An empty stomach. A shoulder to cry on. This is what makes us us.
    WELCOME TO NIGHT VALE.

    Sad news, listeners. Old Woman Josie says that the angels who have been living with her, helping around the house, and ultimately protecting her from all evils, have disappeared. It’s hard to say just how sad this news is, for two important reasons: One, angels are not real, and two, we are not allowed to know about their existence or hierarchical structure.
    Josie called this weekend and spoke to Vithya our station intern. She said the angels often leave her for a few hours or days at a time, but they’ve never been gone for three straight weeks. She thinks they are off fighting an important war for good, but she’s worried that maybe she just made them mad or bored. “Angels get bored very easily,” Josie said, “which is strange because they are eternal and there is a lot of downtime during immortality.”
    Vithya told Josie that angels aren’t real and that we cannot know such things about them, but this just made Vithya cry, because if you talk about angels and you are one who has been secretly chosen by angels for special angelic purposes, you will start crying. Vithya has been sobbing quite a bit this morning, as a matter of fact. I keep asking her “Are you okay?” But she just says “Angels aren’t real,” and then buries her heaving face into her inner elbow and runs off.
    Dear listeners, it appears the angels, if they are real, and they are not, have left Night Vale, and none of us are allowed to know this. So forget I said anything.
    The Night Vale Medical Board wants to know: Are you heart healthy? How healthy is your heart? Have you ever checked? Doctors recommend checking your heart at least once a year. Simply separate the skin on your upper chest and break open the ribs. (Here’s a tip: If you don’t have a bone saw handy, just sterilize any old electric saw you might have in your work shed.) Right behind your ribs, kind of to the left is a potato-shaped muscle lump filled with straw and maybe some insects. That’s your heart! Pull that out and sew your chest back up.

    Wash your heart in warm water. Pat dry with a paper towel and roll flat on a floured surface. Brown on both sides in a sauté pan and eat immediately. Remember: A healthy heart is a healthy life.
    This has been Community Health Tips.
    Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve been getting reports that several yellow helicopters have been seen hovering above town. We all are aware of the black helicopters, which are world government, and blue helicopters, which are secret police, and the helicopters with detailed murals of diving birds of prey, which are the helicopters that took all the children in Night Vale away a few months ago. We still don’t know what those helicopters are. But they did bring all the children back unharmed and much more well-behaved than before, so they are deemed just as safe as the other helicopters.
    But these new yellow helicopters . . . no