Free Speak Now by Chautona Havig Page A

elderly couple had begun cleaning up after their own picnic dinner. “Are you staying?”
    The gentleman shook his head. “Just leaving, son. Enjoy. We had one of those fruit ones and they were utterly delicious.”
    Once settled into place, Cara brought the discussion back to the topic at hand. “So about that fridge? What about it intrigued you?”
    “I saw a fridge with a full shelf of Slim-Fast, salad materials, and fruit. Tell me you’re not on a diet?”
    Cara’s cheeks darkened into a deep rose . She sipped her water bottle and shrugged. “I’m just so round that I try to keep the calories down, but I like good food too.” With an embarrassed glance and a shrug, she added. “Meal drinks aren’t exactly filling or all that tasty.”
    A full mouth gave Jonathan a few seconds to consider if he should be honest or evasive. He chose honest, and as he chewed the tender, marinated beef, he mentally rehearsed what to say. Swallowing, he took a drink of water and then turned his full attention on Cara. She stared at her kebob as though unsure if she should allow herself to take another bite.
    “Cara…” Her shoulders drooped a bit as he fumbled for the words that he hoped might free her from what he considered a ridiculous idea. He sighed. “I’m just going to be honest, okay?”
    She nodded, refusing to look at him. “I’d prefer it.”
    “I think—” That wouldn’t work. “Okay, I don’t want to presume to tell you what to do—” That’s even worse!
    “Spit it out.” The defeat in her voice wrenched his heart. Cara dropped the kebob and reached for a napkin as she did.
    “I—” he swallowed hard. “I like you just the way you are. There are too many curveless women in this world.”
    “You’re joking, right?” Even as she said it, Jonathan saw her expression change as she realized he spoke the absolute truth. “But surely your wife—”
    Suddenly, Jonathan didn’t want to talk anymore. He realized that he’d blown it. Cara felt inadequate compared to Lily, and he assumed he’d caused it. Without a word, he disposed of their trash, helped her to her feet, and led her back to the fried pie cart. With an apple for her and a cherry for him, he pointed across the playground to the gazebo on the other side.
    Cara nodded. They skated slowly, Jonathan trying to discern where he’d gone wrong and trying to discover how to undo the mess he thought he’d created. From the listless way she nibbled at the pie, he suspected she felt utterly rejected. He just didn’t know why.
    At the gazebo, Jonathan knelt beside her and removed her skates as she sat on the steps. He removed his own skates and hung both pairs over the railing. Taking her arm, he led her to the edge of the bench inside and indicated for her to sit before taking his place in front of her. He forced down the lump in his throat and asked, “Do I talk too much?”
    The question seemed to confuse her. “What do mean? Of course, you don’t talk too much. You hardly talk at all. Over seventy-five percent of our time together has either been in silence or with me doing all the talking. Why would you—” Cara stopped mid verbal explosion. “You meant it.”
    “I meant it.”
    “Lily—she was tall and thin though, wasn’t she?”
    “Yes.”
    “And you were attracted to her?” Cara persisted.
    “Yes.”
    “But you’re also attracted to me?”
    Jonathan allowed every ounce of sincerity he felt to infuse into each word. “More than I’ve ever been attracted to anyone.”
    “But Lily was tall and thin and beautiful—”
    “Inside, yes.”
    It took Cara a moment to process his words. “She had a lovely personality? Is that what you mean?”
    “Yes.” He felt like a robot, giving minimalistic answers —almost as though deliberately fighting the superfluity of words.
    “But Riley is so pretty… and Bryson is such a handsome little dude… surely Lily was physically beautiful as well.”
    “She was to me, but if I am