Free The House of Susan Lulham (Kindle Single) by Phil Rickman Page A

in.’
    ‘Who told you that?’
    ‘The neighbour.’
    His eyes had gone still.
    ‘All right, yeah. POLSA found some items in a little storage loft under the eaves. DVDs of
The Exorcist
and
The Amityville Horror
. Also the collected Susan Lulham daytime TV hairdressing tips. Called
Hair of the Bitch
. Cute, but not paranormal.’
    ‘I didn’t even know that existed.’
    ‘Not to criticise your coiffeur, Merrily, but I’m guessing she’d be out of a vicar’s price range.’
    ‘Plus, I don’t do stripey bits. Anything else?’
    ‘Some books. Including a paperback called
Deliverance
. Orange cover.’
    ‘And black? Orange and black? Sub-title
Psychic disturbances and occult involvement
?’
    ‘From what I can remember.’
    ‘So Zoe had acquired a copy of the Church’s official source book on exorcism. Not something lay people normally buy.’
    Bliss looked interested.
    ‘And what’s that tell you, Merrily?’
    ‘Might tell me - if I didn’t already know - that she’s cleverer than she wants us to think she is. That she wanted to… I dunno, get into the Church’s mindset. Work out what she could invent to convince me. Make sure I brought out the holy water. Are the socos still in the house?’
    ‘They’ll be out by mid-afternoon on account of we’re not made of money.’
    ‘Where’s Zoe now?’
    ‘In a cell. Darth’s having another go at her when I get back. I think she likes Darth, and I’m letting him run with it. He’s also been flashing his Oxford graduate credentials in the faces of various education officials and discovering that Mrs Mahonie had some very good, entirely earthly reasons, for puncturing Jonno.’
    ‘Women?’
    ‘And older schoolgirls. Of course, that’ll not stop the defence from introducing the spooky stuff to muddy the waters. And when the defence accuse you of inflaming Zoe’s delusions - this is the important bit - you shouldn’t expect any support whatsoever from the prosecution.’
    ‘Who don’t do metaphysics.’
    ‘They’ve seen the YouTube video of you sprinkling holy tap-water around the terrace. I could hear the wincing over the phone.’
    ‘I’m on my own.’
    ‘Yeah.’
    ‘Fair enough.’
    Bliss stood there, watching her in silence. The dispiriting rain started up again.
    ‘But you’re still my mate,’ she said dully. ‘In a discreet way.’
    ‘I’m giving you worst case scenario, just so you know. Don’t go near the house, don’t talk to anybody about it. This is still a small town and word gets round. It gets back.’
    She nodded - a nod meant nothing - and asked him if he could find out a few things for her.

13. Serious
    ‘Who is this?’ the woman said.
    Merrily shifted the phone to her other hand, moving the chair away from the office window. Her car was gone from the Bishop’s palace yard. She wasn’t here.
    ‘You left a message for me,’ she said. ‘I’m the phony.’
    ‘Shit.’
    ‘Or maybe just a sham.’
    Silence. Sophie was sitting down on the other side of the desk, an open packet of Paracetamol by her elbow. Unprecedented.
    ‘Wasn’t me,’ the woman said.
    ‘Really?’
    ‘She borrowed my phone, OK?’
    ‘Who did?’
    ‘A friend. Kind of.’
    ‘Kind of? You mean a Facebook friend?’
    ‘If you like.’
    ‘Which are you then? Lou?’
    ‘God, no.’
    ‘But you obviously know who I mean.’
    ‘Look, they turned up this morning - she brought a couple of mates. They came to support Zoe, kind of thing.’
    ‘How?’
    ‘She’s just fascinated. She seems to have a lot of free time. Unlike me. She wants to be like close to the action? I’m sorry. I didn’t know she was gonna phone you.’
    ‘This is Lou?’
    ‘Louise. We used to work together.’
    ‘OK, I’m sorry… which one are you?’
    ‘Look, I’ve got a young baby, I need to—’
    ‘Nattie?’
    ‘You’ve read the stuff, then. God, I still can’t believe this has happened. It’s horrible.’
    ‘But to Lou…’
    ‘Horrible, but exciting. This is