Free Picture Imperfect by Nicola Yeager Page B

time. Unfortunately, the free bathroom stuff turned out not to
be up to it, but you can’t have everything.’
    It never stops.
    ‘So! By this time I was absolutely starving again, so
we found this fantastic Persian place down Bond Street which I had literally
never seen before.’
    ‘What time was this?’
    ‘Oh, I don’t know. It had gone two, though. Or two-thirty? I mean, I must have walked down Bond Street
god knows how many times and I must have walked past this little place just as
many times. It was like it was invisible and I asked one of the waiters how
long they’d been there in case they’d only opened up the week before or
something and he said they’d been there for thirty two years. Can you believe
it?’
    I’m going to tear my head off in a minute.
    ‘We had this mezze that seemed to go forever. I drank
rather too much, I’m afraid, and…’
    She stops what she was going to say and stares vacantly
into the middle distance. For a moment, I wonder if she’s ill. Or intoxicated
in some way I haven’t encountered before. She looks at the floor, then looks at the ceiling. She slowly places the coffee mug
on the kitchen surface and strides out into the hallway to where the canvases
are leaning contemptuously against the wall. She finds the light switch and
puts both hall lights on.
    She stares at the canvases for a full minute without
saying anything. I have to say that I’m feeling a little anxious. She takes a
deep breath and exhales slowly. Then, she takes a tiny black mobile out of a
pocket and presses a button on it, placing it to her ear. She’s breathing
deeply, her boobs rising and falling and her lips pursed. She flicks a stray
lock of hair away from her forehead. God – she must be irresistible to men. No
wonder she can pick up handsome hunks in department store food halls on weekday
afternoons. I’m so jealous.
    ‘Clementine? Sorry to call so
early, darling. Have you got a pen handy? Well look – I’m sure you’ve only just
woken up, but I haven’t even been to bed yet. It’s still Tuesday as far as I’m
concerned. Listen. Ready? As soon as you get in to the office, give Jake
Chalmers a ring. Tell him I want him to pick up a couple of seven by sevens
ASAP. He’ll need the bigger of his two vans. He’s got a three tonner hasn’t he?
Tell him to use that.’
    She glances at me and raises her eyebrows in
exasperation.
    ‘Tell him to be careful as neither of them are dry yet. He’s to take them to Charlie Haggett’s gallery and leave them there. Charlie’s girl will
know what to do with them. Now, you haven’t asked me where Jake is to pick them
up from. I’m going to tell you that now. Name is Chloe Dixon. She’s on our
client file. Address is on there. This will all happen before midday today,
understood? Repeat all of that back to me.’
    She taps her foot impatiently and says ‘Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm.
Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm.’ I can faintly hear poor Clementine’s voice on the mobile. She
sounds posh. Finally, Rhoda nods in satisfaction.
    ‘Excellent. I won’t be in today until about one. Possibly even later. Goodbye.’
    She turns to me and raises a hand, even though I wasn’t
about to say anything. She taps out something else on her mobile and listens
intently.
    ‘Bloody ansaphone . Hello, Charlie. It’s me. This is a message for your girl, really. I’ve
forgotten her name. Sorry. And if it’s you listening, girl,
sorry again. There’s a couple of big ones
coming your way before twelve this morning. Jake. Still wet. Don’t touch. I’ll be in later this afternoon to deal with them. Be a love and
turn the heating in whatever room you’re going to put them in up to thirteen
degrees. Thanks.’
    She walks over to me and gives me a huge hug.
    ‘These are absolutely brilliant, Chloe. I’ll have
flogged these beauties by the end of the week and I know exactly who I’m going
to call first. Do me a favour and don’t go out until Jake gets here. Don’t try
and help him, he