Free A Step Toward Falling by Cammie McGovern Page A

felt shy and neither one of us could think of anything to say. Finally I told him I’d never danced with a boy before. When he didn’t hear me, I touched his elbow and said it again. I didn’t know if he’d danced with a girl before. He nodded when I said this as if maybe he hadn’t. We’ll need to take this nice and slow, I thought. Both of us are new at this .
    I wanted to tell Ron that he didn’t need to worry, we could learn this together. One good way to start, I thought, would be inviting him to my house to watch Pride and Prejudice. Of course he’d probably already seen it, I thought, but if he hadn’t, I’d like to be there, looking at his face as he watched it for the very first time.

CHAPTER FOUR
EMILY
    â€œ W AIT, SO YOU ASKED him out and he said no ?” Richard says the next morning before school when I tell him what happened with Chad in class.
    â€œWe were improvising and he was supposed to say no when I asked him out on a date, but he couldn’t because we had this connection. ”
    Richard smiles, a little unsure. “That’s great, Em.”
    â€œAfterward he asked for my number. When was the last time a guy asked for my number, unrelated to classwork or getting a ride?”
    â€œHe sounds really great.” His smile looks even more forced than it did a moment ago.
    Suddenly it occurs to me how horrible I sound. For three years Richard and I have joked about our nonexistent love lives. We spend most weekends going to movies together and promising that our lives will be different when we get to college. There, the boys will be different: older,smarter, more appreciative of our charms. This class was meant to be my punishment and here I’ve made it sound like my fast track to the future we’ve both imagined, with cute college boys who are nice enough to like us and do volunteer work.
    â€œHe’ll probably never call,” I reassure Richard. “In fact, I’m sure he won’t.”
    â€œNo, I’ll bet he likes you, Em. He’ll call.”
    For the rest of the day, I wonder what I’ll do if Chad actually does call me. Will I tell him the real reason I’m “volunteering” for this class? Could I go out with him and not tell him the truth? I try to imagine it and can only picture freezing up before any words come out of my mouth.
    One of the awful truths about the football game is that it wasn’t the first time I’ve panicked and frozen up like that. I have a history of almost-but-not-quite speaking up when I should have. In fact, my friendship with Richard began thanks to one noteworthy example. In the fall of ninth grade, Jackie, a semi-popular girl I had a few classes with, asked if I wanted to sign up for flag team with her. “Supposedly it’s really fun. It’s all about raising school spirit and bringing people together,” she promised. “It’s not elitist like cheerleading. They include everyone.” After a month, I realized this wasn’t true. We weren’t on a mission to increase school spirit or promote inclusive socializing. We were fifty-two girls trying out to be cheerleaders. Practices were gossipy and competitive with a tone set by bitter senior girls who hated one another. It was awful and I hated it, but I couldn’t muster up the courage to quit.These were the girls I ate lunch with. If I quit, I thought, I’ll have no friends.
    Then, just before the Harvest Day Parade—our biggest event of the year—I overheard Darla and Sue, two senior flag-team girls, talking about a plan they had for getting on to the cheer squad. “If they find booze in cheerleaders’ gym bags, they’ll get suspended for the rest of the season. There are only two alternates, so they’ll have to pick us.” Darla opened her backpack and showed Sue the airplane-sized liquor bottles she had in there.
    I should have said something right