Free The Catalyst by Angela Jardine Page B

bitterly, finding that once she had started to talk about him she was unable to stop. So she told Jasper everything. Her first meeting with Jimmy, making love for the first time (his idea), moving in with him (her idea), not having children (his idea), and the other women in their life together (very much his idea).
    When she totalled up the women she knew about it came to at least thirty and she wasn’t sure she hadn’t lost count somewhere. She was also certain there had been many more extremely brief liaisons she did not know about. Jimmy had a very strong sex drive and a very low boredom threshold where women were concerned and the realisation of this combination had been painful to her.
    It wasn’t as if she hadn’t tried to excite him or keep his interest in her alive. These secrets were the only things she didn’t share with Jasper. He didn’t need to know what she had done in an attempt to keep Jimmy interested in her as a sexual partner but it had all been in vain. It hadn’t even slowed his interest in other women.
    Now, talking about their relationship gave her a strange clarity into the role she played in Jimmy’s life and she suddenly understood she was what kept him afloat. It was her who fed him, kept his home ticking over, marketed his work and generally shielded him from the boring generalities of everyday life so he could immerse himself in his work. What she could not know was that Jimmy too now recognised these facts.
    As she told Jasper of the latest outrage, the sexy email from some woman called Rosie, she was aware her voice was getting increasingly shrill until, no longer able to contain herself, she leapt up and paced about the kitchen. The anger, still latent inside her and lying just beneath the surface of daily life, spewed from her mouth like molten lava.
    Now she realised just how much she had needed the catharsis of talking about it to help her ease all that was eating away at her and, wisely, Jasper let her talk herself to a standstill. Only when she finally stood still, breathing hard and trying to damp down her fury, did he speak.
    ‘Jen, it's pretty obvious to me you can’t go on living like this … and I think you know you have got to do something about it.’
    ‘Oh God, I know ... I know...’ she said, sinking down into the chair opposite Jasper’s. It was true, the time had come when she had to deal with things but just how she did that she did not know. Obviously she had to leave Jimmy but she had invested so much time and energy in the relationship that to walk away from it seemed somehow wasteful.
    She was also painfully aware that despite all her hard work there was precious little in the way of material goods to divide up. So not only would she be totally alone if she left him, or worse than that, middle-aged and alone, she would also be living on the breadline. Even more on the breadline than she already was with Jimmy.
    ‘C’mon ... think. What would you lose if you left him? He’s just some jerk who doesn’t appreciate you, who constantly wipes the floor with your feelings. If it’s money you need I could help you financially and I’m sure you have other friends who would help you find somewhere else to live. You’d soon find someone else … someone who would care for you properly.’ Jasper made it all sound so possible and she struggled to believe him.
    For his part he could see her wanting desperately to believe such a life could happen for her and wondered why on earth she held back from it but then it was obvious she loved the man and Jasper knew he had never really been in love, not that sort of love. How could he hope to be the right person to advise her? Perhaps one did things differently in the state of love? He watched her distress, trying to remain dispassionate and failing completely.
    ‘For Heaven’s sake, Jen, you’ve got to regain your self-esteem!’
    ‘I know it all seems so simple to you but I’m scared … at least I know where I am