Free Billy Elliot by Melvin Burgess Page B

right round the chops. Really hard. It bloody hurt. I was shocked. I never thought she’d do that. She had no business doing that. I put my hand to me face. She looked as shocked as I was. I took a step back; she took a step forward and held her arms out.
    ‘Billy, love,’ she said. Well, I was ready to run. I was ready to go out that door and never come back. But ...
    Well, it wasn’t her fault, was it? If I didn’t keep her, what had I got? I didn’t want to stop dancing, you see. So I couldn’tleave. And because I couldn’t leave, I started crying instead. She took another step towards me and reached out for my head when she saw my eyes go wet, and I let her put my head on her shoulder. I leaned against her like a pudding and just cried.
    ‘I’m sorry, Billy,’ she said. ‘I’m really sorry.’ And me, I just cried my head off while she stroked my haircut. It went on for about five minutes.
    ‘Right,’ she said at last. ‘Have you done?’
    ‘Yes, miss. Sorry,’ I said. She pushed my head back up and I wiped my eyes on my T-shirt.
    ‘Good lad,’ she said. She pulled out a fag from the packet in her pocket and lit it in the corner of her mouth. ‘Let’s get back to it, shall we?’
    You’ve got to hand it to her, haven’t you? And you know what? She never even asked me what the matter was.
    Well, but I was glad she did make me, because the dance was the one thing that was going right for me. I wasn’t doing well at school, either. I mean, not bad, but not all that good, you know? But the dance was going well and I felt good about that.
    On the other hand, the audition was getting closer and I felt really bad about that. It was scary, you know? Trying for something like that. If it worked, if I passed, what then? I’d have to tell me dad and he’d go mental. And even if he let me, then what? Leave home? Go to live all the way in London on me own? No way! It was bonkers. What was it going to cost? Christ!
    But I had me dad right fooled. I was doing ballet every night and he never had a clue. He thought I was out playingwith Michael. I had it all arranged. Michael’d come and call for me, or I’d go round to his, and we’d go out together as if we were just hanging around together. He’d even come into the Social with me, but then he’d sneak out the back way and go off to do whatever it was he did with himself on his own – dressing up or whatever, I expect, the big pansy.
    You know, I wonder about Michael. I wonder if maybe he really is a poof and maybe he thinks I might be one too, because I like ballet. Well, I’m not, no way, but something happened a little while ago that worried me, with that Debbie. She used to come along sometimes to watch me do my stuff. She was jealous because Miss was her mam but she wasn’t putting Debbie in for the Royal Ballet School. When I asked her why not, Miss just shrugged and said she wasn’t good enough. Anyhow, this one day, I was pulling my top on after the dance, I was all sweaty and stinky, but I was happy, because it’d gone really well that day. Debbie was sitting there sucking a lollipop and watching me.
    ‘Billy,’ she said. ‘Do you not fancy me at all?’
    ‘I dunno,’ I said. I mean, I’d never really thought about it. It made my heart start beating, though, because I was scared she was going to ask me to go out with her. One thing I was clear about, I didn’t want to go out with Debbie Wilkinson. Debbie’s pretty bloody odd herself, if you ask me. If I had to have a girlfriend, it wouldn’t be her, that’s all.
    By the week of the audition, I was more scared than I’d ever been in my whole life. I still hadn’t told me dad. Theaudition was on the Saturday morning at half ten. He didn’t have to know, I didn’t need time off school or owt. I just thought, Well, if I don’t get in, he never has to know, and if I do – well, maybe he’ll bloody kill me, but maybe he’ll be so amazed that I’ve actually gone and done it that