Free The Door at the Top of the Stairs by Alison Naomi Holt Page B

"Open your eyes, Jess."
    Jesse opened them and growled, “Leave me alone."
    Ryland leaned forward. “Look at Morgan, and tell me where your hands are."
    Morgan sat at the end of the couch, angled against the padded arm, facing Jesse. She put her elbow on the armrest and leaned her head on her fingers while she calmly let Jesse focus on her eyes.
    Ryland had explained the need for a focal point, a place where Jesse could go to borrow strength she thought she didn't have, and Morgan concentrated on projecting her confidence onto Jesse.
    "You know where they are... I—" She couldn't allow the picture to come, she wanted to see the picture in Morgan's eyes, not her own. She stole a quick look. There. A hammer struck and a spike slid through her wrist like butter, pinning her hand to the door post. Her eyes unfocused and she was back in the room. She'd been there a night, another day? How long? She couldn't breathe.
    Her lungs filled with water instead of air as lightning bolts shot down her arms and constricted her heart.
    Morgan looked at Ryland, who motioned for her to touch Jesse. She reached out and gently took Jesse's arm and squeezed.
    Jesse eyes focused again and she struggled for air. “I can't breathe."
    Ryland said again. “Tell me where your hands are."
    Jesse looked down at the scars on her wrists, and said between breaths. “They're nailed to the posts."
    "How long were you there?"
    "A night, part of a day." She looked at Ryland, who nodded, and Jesse thought she saw approval, maybe a little. Maybe she'd done okay and they were done.
    "Then what?"
    Jesse's heart sank. “Goddamn you, I told you what you wanted and I'm done!"
    "Then what happened?" Ryland watched Jesse squeeze her eyes shut, fighting to hold in the tears. She motioned for Morgan to gently tap her knee because she needed those flood gates opened.
    Morgan did what Ryland asked, and Jesse opened her eyes.
    Ryland repeated. “Then what happened?"
    Jesse covered her eyes, ashamed as one by one tears began falling down her face. “I got down. My arms are down and everything is black."
    "How did you get down?"
    "He—" He pounded the nail out from the other side. He pounded and laughed then pulled . Jesse stood as she watched the thin spikes slide through her wrists. Her stomach turned sour and she was afraid she'd be sick again. She reached up and pulled her hair, trying to stop the memories, trying to stop hearing Ryland.
    "Sit down Jesse, and tell us what you see. You have to remember, then tell me what happened so we can put the memories in their proper place. That's why I keep asking you to describe what you're seeing. Each time you talk about what happened, your headaches will begin to be less painful, and eventually they'll go away completely."
    What Ryland said made sense. She needed to stop the pain one way or the other. “He hit the nail out with a hammer, then...then jerked it out the rest of the way." She looked down on Ryland, wanting to be done. Ryland didn't move, and Jesse felt panic welling up from somewhere deep inside her chest. What's she waiting for ? The nausea increased and she ground her teeth to keep from throwing up.
    Ryland sat patiently, knowing there was more, but unsure what direction to go in. She thought maybe she'd back off a little and then move on. “After you were down, then what?"
    Jesse relaxed slightly and sat back on the couch, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. Memories edged their way into her mind, slowly at first, then picking up speed. They weren’t clear and she was unsure how to bring them into focus. She sat in troubled silence, trying to see what was there.
    Ryland watched her. “Tell me what’s happening.”
    “They’re not clear. I see movement, but I don’t know what I’m seeing.” She pointed to her forehead, then looked to Ryland for help. “Here — you know, in my mind.” Ryland’s confident smile reassured her, made her feel Ryland knew what was happening even if she