Free Stage Door Canteen by Maggie Davis Page B

from the office of General Arnold that the report that our Lt. Malcom Sandover, sometime sports editor for the St. Louis Post Dispatch—and now, thanks to the army air force, turned pragmatic political and military analyst—wrote on the wartime aims of the British Empire. Aims which appear to have deviated little since the Napoleonic War, and consist of playing empire politics no matter what desperate conflict the Brits and their allies may be involved. This report somehow attracted, because God knows we never anticipate anybody’s going to actually read these damned things, the attention of some command staffer who brought it to the attention of General Hap Arnold, who then passed it on to Army Chief of Staff General Marshall, who then recommended it to the CP (our leader, the Consummate Politician) over lunch, who is said to have read it and laughed. But who acknowledged that was a damned well-researched piece. That is, our documentation of the constant maneuvering of the British to protect and enlarge British interests no matter what else is going on, like a war. So when the president asked General Marshall who the unsung geniuses were who had put together this marvelous account of a century of British perfidy, General Marshall was ready with our names—mine, Captain Brownlee’s, Second Lt. Malcolm Sandover, Sergeant Pilaro and WAAC corporals Margie Hawes and Eleanor Schulman, i.e., the entire INSIPID office.
    It turns out the President was so tickled to find talent of any sort in the Army Air Forces Information Services, that he ordered the chief of staff to assign us a whole new directive. As of now ISPD has been reorganized, which means we are Air Force personnel lent to the department of strategic planning headed by the new brigadier, General Albert C. Wedemeyer. We are to get new offices located where people can find us, in case they want to come visit and keep track of what we’re doing.
    So late Thursday ISPD was uprooted from our snug haven in the basement area of the Pentagon and relocated in a first floor office that, like everything else, is still under construction, in an area designed eventually to be a navy officers’ lounge. I have a cubicle to myself, Sandover and Brownlee share a broom closet, and Sgt. Pilaro and the two WAAC corporals luxuriate in the main area that was going to be the lounge kitchenette. We are happy, if a little uncertain in our new glory. Because now, instead of laboring in the basement of this giant building as we have done for long months, on so-called summaries and condensations of military material that appeared to be leftover from World War One, and which the air force insists are intended for training manuals, we now have a Definitely Assigned Mission. Since we’re so damned smart, the army has decided, we can help them out with a very aggravating problem. There’s a big meeting coming up in he next few weeks between Churchill and the Consummate Politician (the President) and combined US and British chiefs of staff.
    In the past, our side has found itself at a distinct disadvantage when the Brits let our top military brass get their views about strategy off their chests, and then counterattack, supported by an avalanche of documents and reports the Brits always bring along. Admiral King has complained that every time the American chiefs bring up a problem, the British have a paper ready to refute it. Since wrangling between the chiefs of staff is a major factor in policy making, where you hope to wear the other side down until they give in, this strategy buried our side under a blizzard of paper. Our aim now is not to get clobbered like this again by our friendly allies, the Brits. Who feel that they’ve fought Hitler for three years and ought to continue running things. And not rich, pushy, better-fed and equipped but appallingly uncouth Yanks.
    So at this point, INSIPID is assigned to produce position papers on every conceivable subject our Allies can possibly come up