Free Señor Vivo and the Coca Lord by Louis De Bernières Page A

direct consequence of rural underemployment and general lack of industrialisation, as a result of which people can only achieve a decent standard of living by engaging in dishonest trading in coca. Please note that he conclusively argues that the solution to this problem lies in a massive programme of foreign investment in the creation of new industries that will give full employment at a decent wage. You will note that in his judgement an investment of a minimum of ten billion dollars will be necessary.
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    F ROM : The Office of His Excellency, President Veracruz
    T O : Pablo Ecobandodo, Ipasueño
    His Excellency cordially invites you to an informal meeting at the Presidential palace at your convenience, in order to discuss matters of mutual interest.
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    F ROM : Cordoba University, Department of Genetic Research
    T O : His Excellency, President Veracruz
    We wish to confirm with you that it really is your intention to get us to examine tissue from a large black cat, with a view to determining whether or not it really is your daughter.
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    F ROM : The Office of His Excellency, President Veracruz
    T O : The Ministry of Information
    Please forward all files on Pablo Ecobandodo (El Jerarca) of Ipasueño to this office.
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    F ROM : The Ministry of Information
    To: The Office of His Excellency the President
    His Excellency is to be reminded that he abolished this Ministry two months ago.

17
Mythologising And Making Love
    DIONISIO SEALED THE envelope of his latest coca letter, addressed it, and took it down to the post-office, only to find that he had been pre-empted by the destruction of the latter. In the early morning a bomb had removed its front external wall, and a notice pinned to the broken doorjamb announced that the service would temporarily be relocated in the town hall. When he arrived there he found that the postmaster was going about his business with his usual inflexible sang-froid. ‘Hola, Dionisio, and how is the Pythagoras of Ipasueño?’
    ‘He is perturbed,’ he replied.
    ‘You should be; they did this to prevent you from posting your celebrated epistles to the intelligentsia and the powerful elite who govern us with so much enlightenment and humanity. I wish to thank you personally. This is far more salubrious and spacious than the old office, and the number of cockroaches is far less.’
    Dionisio smiled and handed him the new letter. ‘Seriously, Dionisio, you should stop writing these. Local people are taking out bets on the precise date of your assassination, and the stakes are so high that there is a peril of one of them assassinating you himself just in order to win his bet.’
    ‘I think that people are saying these things out of a love for drama.’
    ‘And they say that several attempts have been made already, so you surprise me. They say that you have lived because you are a brujo and can make yourself invisible, amongst other things.’
    Dionisio put his hand on the postmaster’s shoulder and said, ‘Vale, well you tell everyone that I am a brujo indeed, and that anyone attempting to reduce my lifespan will himself die instantaneously, OK? We will amuse ourselves by mythologising Dionisio Vivo, is that a deal?’
    ‘That would amuse me very much,’ replied the postmaster. ‘You have a deal. And I have a letter for you.’
    Outside the town hall Dionisio tore open the envelope and found that it was his very first piece of personal fan-mail. By some extraordinary omission it had occurred to no one in the media either visual or printed to request interviews, and so Dionisio had missed the opportunity to become a media star and appear on quiz shows. But all over the country, and completely without his knowledge, Dionisio Vivo societies had sprung up in which people met to discuss his opinions and fantasise about his appearance.
    This is not as surprising as one might otherwise believe, because it was a country where all the television stars were foreigners in imported series,