Free Jack Tumor by Anthony McGowan Page B

the
everythings
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A Parting ShOt
    S o that was all great, or I should say, really great, but with a bit of mild panic about what tomorrow might bring. And then, as I was heading home, still with Gonad and a couple of other kids from my year, I felt a hot pain as someone grabbed the hair at the back of my neck.
    I thought for a second that Mordred had come to wreak his revenge, and I turned, expecting the worst, cringing and twisting with the pain.
    It wasn’t the worst, but it wasn’t good either. Tierney was behind me. He let go of my hair.
    â€œFunny boy,” he said. “Think you’re clever?”
    Bit hard answering that. So I didn’t say anything.
    â€œFancy Uma Upshaw, don’t you?”
    â€œWhat’s it to you?”
    I knew what it was to him. Like I’d said to Smurf, he’d gone out with Uma a couple of times, before she dumped him for anolder boy who had a moped. We weren’t really supposed to know all that, but nothing stays a secret for long at the Body.
    â€œShe’s my bird,” he said, jutting his chin out.
    Big mistake.
    â€œNo she isn’t.”
    Tierney looked confused, as well he might. It had been worth him attempting to state an obvious untruth as long as no one had the guts to contradict him. He’d look stupid now if he kept on lamely saying he was going out with someone when he wasn’t.
    So he changed tack.
    â€œYou’re dead, you know.”
    â€œHe looks pretty alive to me.”
    It was some big kid from Year Eleven who’d been part of the gang around the fresco. He was with a couple of his buddies. Tierney looked at them, then started to slope off. But just like Uma, he had a parting shot.
    â€œYou’re dead,” he said again.

Eros, ThanatOs,
and the BorG Queen
    I was one majorly confused kid that evening.
    On the way home, buoyed up by all that hero worship, I felt like I was walking on marshmallows. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t hero worship. Maybe it was more just not getting kicked and spat on, but you know what I mean. And one of the weird things is that the person I wanted to talk it over with most—and I accept that “person” here may not be the conventional way to put it—was Jack, my personal tumor. The trouble is that once you start thinking about your brain tumor, then it’s hard to stay buoyed up by the fickle adulation of the mob.
    So that was the first up-and-down combo.
    And then there was the whole death-threat thing from Tierney. That wasn’t nice. I’d done a bit of acting tough lately, but acting was all it was. I wasn’t tough. I was a ‘fraidy girly coward, and I didn’t know how to fight, because I’d never had one, except in the slightly one-sided sense of having been punched quite a lot.
    And then the smile from Uma. All mixed up with poor old Smurf’s hopeless infatuation.
    Up-and-down combo number two.
    â€œAny advice, here, Jack?” I said to myself. Sort of.
    Â 
    JACK :    WHAT ABOUT—DEATH OR GIRLS ?
    Â 
    It was still a shock when he actually answered back like that.
    Â 
    Â 
ME :
Well, I can’t imagine that you’ve got anything constructive to say about death. Unless you’re going to tell me that you’re moving out. That’d help.
JACK :
I WISH I COULD OBLIGE YOU THERE, MY FRIEND. BUT WE ARE BOUND TOGETHER IN THIS, LIKE BODY AND SOUL. LIKE ROMEO AND JULIET .
ME :
No way I’m Juliet.
JACK :
IF IT’S ANY CONSOLATION, THE THOUGHT OF PERSONAL EXTINCTION DOESN’T EXACTLY FILL ME WITH JOY EITHER, YOU KNOW. THAT’S WHY WE’VE GOT TO GET ON WITH IT .
ME :
On with what? jack: IT.
ME :
I wish you wouldn’t talk in riddles.
    Â 
    A gap. I sensed Jack thinking. We were getting near to our road.
    Â 
JACK :
EROS AND THANATOS .
ME :
Heroes and tomatoes?
JACK :
EROS AND THANATOS, DUMMY. SEX AND DEATH. THE TWO GREAT DRIVES .
ME :
Bollocks. I haven’t got a death drive. I don’t