Free B003B0W1QC EBOK by Dossie Easton, Catherine A. Liszt Page A

is a favorite time. Social events are often held as fundraisers for a member who has had an accident or is dealing with serious illness or needs financial support for legal defense: the community works to take care of its own.
    In some major cities, informational workshops are put on by small business specializing in sex and kink education, usually advertised in the gay papers or whichever local papers carry the “wild side” personal ads. Such workshops do not require membership, but just a fee to attend, and are a great way for people to check out some information about kink without taking the larger step of joining a group or community. The workshop leaders, again, routinely demonstrate their skills while providing information about how things work, safety and technique.
    People who attend workshops and support group meetings are not required to participate in any kinky activities unless they choose to; in these environments it is okay to watch.
     
    Play parties. Some kinkyfolk like to gather together for play parties, which means that a group of people, usually from a carefully controlled guest list, get together at someone’s house or studio to do kinky play as a group. The places where we play are often set up with special furniture or equipment that you wouldn’t find in most homes - bondage tables, slings, cages and the like. Play parties usually have set rules about safer sex and the etiquette that works to respect each other’s personal space in an environment that Miss Manners doesn’t cover. Many people arrive at play parties with a plan to play a particular scene with one or more partners - others come solo to meet people and perhaps have a new adventure. Because the same group of people tend to come back to the same parties, a protective community can be formed, and play with new people is very safe with your friends all around you.
    What do we get out of this? Along with indulging any taste we may have to show off, we also get to see what other people do. Deprivatizing sex changes a lot of things: people, relationships, even cultures. When you can see how other people enjoy their sex life, how gorgeous they look when they have an orgasm, you get powerful permission to explore and enjoy your own sexuality. And sometimes, other people see you and they may tell you afterward how wonderful you were. Positive support for sexuality doesn’t have to be a rare thing.

     

     
    Leather bars. The gay male kink scene, and to some degree the lesbian scene as well, does a great deal of its socializing, support and cruising in bars set up and advertised (in newspapers in big cities, by word-of-mouth in small ones) for this purpose.
    Such bars were for many years the only way for kinky men to meet each other, and are still vitally important in the men’s leather community. Most have a main room for socializing and cruising, and many have a back room set up with some equipment for spur-of-the-moment play. They often host special events in which people with a particular interest (bondage, watersports, a desire for a particular body type such as large or hairy bodies, a fondness for a particular role-play such as cowboys) can meet one another. Most leather bars also host fund-raisers for political causes pertinent to the kin communities, such as supporting gay-positive and kink-positive politicians or making donations to charities such as AIDS support or women’s health services.
     
    The Internet . In recent years many kinkyfolk have found a safe place to talk about their desires on the Internet. The ’Net is a special boon to people who live in isolated areas where they can’t attend programs or meetings, and to people for whom even the tiny risk of being “outed” (e.g., revealed to the outside world as kinky) is too great a chance to take.
    People on the Internet can obtain a great deal of information about their kink from the World Wide Web, where many experienced practitioners share their own knowledge and