Free The Manifesto on How to be Interesting by Holly Bourne Page A

of Bree’s foils that had fallen onto her forehead, before sitting back in her chair again. “They barely knew I existed then, and have definitely forgotten me by now. That just seems so terribly unfair somehow. That they’re so much a part of my life, and I’m nothing to theirs. I still feel like the unpopular kid.”
    Bree scratched the top of her neck where the peroxide itched.
    â€œBut they might not be happy, successful, pretty and popular any more,” she told her mother. “They might’ve failed horribly in life and are now fat, lonely and addicted to lottery scratch cards.”
    Her mum shook her head sadly. “Life doesn’t work that way, sweetie. They’re all doing just fine – better than me probably.”
    â€œBut…”
    â€œBut what? You think there should be some sort of karmic balance? That because they sailed through secondary school it’s only right that they have some suffering down the line to make up for it? Okay, in a weak moment, I might have wished that to happen, so they felt a little like I did when I was at school. But what does that achieve?” She trailed off and absent-mindedly picked up her magazine again.
    â€œSo you think being popular at school is important then?”
    Her mum shook her head like Bree had woken her from a dream.
    â€œMaybe not important. But it helps. You don’t carry the same scars around if secondary school was easy for you…” Then she shook her head again, almost violently, like she’d caught herself out. “No…no… You know what, don’t listen to me, Bree. It isn’t important. You know what’s important? Being a good person. That’s the most important thing.”
    Nice try, Bree thought. But I’m not buying it.
    That evening, Bree looked at her new self in the mirror. Massive cliché, but she actually didn’t recognize herself. She was trussed up in tomorrow’s just-inside-the-school-rules outfit. Her hair was a buttery sheet of gorgeousness. It fell into her eyes, highlighting her perfect make-up, and shone like she’d just returned from a three-week cruise. Her face had been transformed thanks to a make-up lesson from her mum. Her spots were expertly covered, her skin glowed, her lips looked juicy and utterly transfixing – she’d never realized she’d got such good lips before.
    There was no escaping it, Bree looked stunning. She tried not to smile, annoyed that looking like this made her feel so good. But a grin crept onto her face anyway and she did a little jig of joy – before remembering everything she stood for and believed in.
    Finally she dragged herself from the mirror, sat at her desk, and lifted the lid of her laptop.
    THE MANIFESTO ON HOW TO BE INTERESTING
    Rule number one: One must be attractive
    I’ve made this my first rule…
    In order to be interesting, one must be attractive to look at.
    Especially if you’re a woman…
    Alright, okay, calm down. Don’t all yell at once. “HOW DARE YOU?” you say. Call myself a feminist, do I? Modern life has evolved past such nonsense. Attractiveness doesn’t immediately place you into the winning team.
    But you’re wrong. Oh, how wrong you are.
    Because, admit it, you’re gagging to know what colour I’ve dyed my hair. You can’t wait to see the before and after and what my figure’s like now I’ve actually got the inclination to show it off. Hell, you’re frothing at the mouth in desperation to find out how I’ve made my lips look this damn gorgeous.
    There is something about taking something ugly and making it pretty that is compelling to us. It’s a satisfaction you cannot hide from. Who didn’t watch Ugly Betty and want to pluck her eyebrows and see what she could “really look like”? Even though that goes against the whole point of the show, you wanted her to be beautiful, didn’t