pain becomes an excuse, too. I donât want to get out of bed because so-and-so left me. I canât go to work today because I saw him out with another girl, boo-hoo, boo-hoo. And meanwhile, there are people out there with real problems, really hurting. Andââ She paused suddenly and took a breath. âAnd anyway, thatâs why I donât date.â
Heâd forgotten to eat, watching and listening to her. If heâd hoped that getting an answer to his question would take the edge off his curiosity, that hope was now shot to hell.
âSo love is just an escape?â
She lifted her chin slightly, as if sensing a challenge. âI think it can be an illusion. And I think people can indulge in it like a drug, because itâs just as addictive and distracting.â
âSo people in love are just deluding themselves? What about married couples?â
She bit her lip. âSee? Thatâs why I donât talk about this. I know I come off sounding like Iâm looking down on people or something, and I donât mean to. Of course I donât think all married people are deluding themselves. My parents have a good marriage. But itâs not romantic. They work too hard for that. Theyâre farmers, and theyâve worked hard all their lives. I know they love each other, but theyâre not indulgent about it. They donât make a fuss.â
âSo itâs okay to be in love if you donât make a fuss?â
She sighed. âLetâs just forget it, okay? Iâm sorry I ever answered your question.â
âIâm not.â
âI suppose you think you have some kind of insight into me now.â
âI donât know about that. But itâs obvious youâve been on some lousy datesâand that whatever happened with your high school boyfriend hit you pretty hard.â
She frowned. âThe way I feel about romance isnât because of one experience.â
âBut he was a factor, wasnât he?â
âI think he was just a catalyst.â
âA catalyst for what?â
âFor deciding that I wanted to put my energies into something more meaningful.â
âUnlike love.â
âUnlike romantic love, yes. But thereâs plenty of love in my life. My family, my friendsâ¦and my work is all about love. I love the kids I work with. I care about their families. If I didnât, I wouldnât do what I do.â
Rick drained his glass and refilled it, topping off Allisonâs afterward. âSo itâs only romance you donât believe in.â
âIâm willing to believe romantic love exists. Iâm just not interested in it, at least at this point in my life. And what about you?â she countered. âThat night at the coffee shop, I got the impression youâre less interested in romance than I am. Are you telling me I was wrong? That you do believe in love?â
He was glad she asked. It was good to be reminded of the fact that he didnât believe in much of anything, before he let himself get too drawn in by Allisonâs beguiling eyes and her warm heart and most of all her fascinatingprickly side, the side that said I wonât, I wonât â¦and made a man want to persuade her to say I will.
He shrugged. âMy parents had a rotten marriage, which made it hard to believe in romance. And I let go of the illusion completely in my twenties, when I found out the girl Iâd fallen for was a con artist in training. The only difference now is that I actually seek out mercenary women. That way there arenât any unpleasant surprises, and I never feel guilty about ending things.â
She stared at him, her hand frozen on her wineglass. âYouâre really that cynical?â
âYes.â
âYou canât honestly believe a woman would only be with you because of money.â
He raised an eyebrow. âTell me again why youâre here