Free Money for Nothing by P. G. Wodehouse Page A

Rudge.'
    'Oh?' said John, uninterested.
    'And to prevent Uncle Lester making a fuss about this, I've invited old man Molloy and daughter to come and visit us as well. That was Ronnie's big idea. Thos is rolling in money, and once Uncle Lester learns that he won't kick about Ronnie being there. He loves having rich men around. He likes to nuzzle them.'
    'Do you mean,' cried John, 'that that girl is coming to stay at Rudge?'
    He was appalled. Limpidly clear though his conscience was, he was able to see that his rather spectacular association with Miss Dolly Molloy had displeased Pat, and the last thing he wished for was to be placed in a position which was virtually tantamount to hobnobbing with the girl. If she came to stay at Rudge, Pat might . . . What might not Pat think?
    He became aware that Hugo was speaking to him in a quiet, brotherly voice.
    'How did all that come out, John?'
    'All what?'
    'About Pat. Did she tell you that I paved the way?'
    'She did! And look here . . .'
    'All right, old man,' said Hugo, raising a deprecatory hand. 'That's absolutely all right. I don't want any thanks. You'd have done the same for me. Well, what has happened? Everything pretty satisfactory?'
    'Satisfactory!'
    'Don't tell me she turned you down?'
    'If you really want to know, yes, she did.'
    Hugo sighed.
    'I feared as much. There was something about her manner when I was paving the way that I didn't quite like. Cold. Not responsive. A bit glassy-eyed. What an amazing thing it is,' said Hugo, tapping a philosophical vein, 'that in spite of all the ways there are of saying Yes, a girl on an occasion like this nearly always says No. An American statistician has estimated that, omitting substitutes like "All right", "You bet", "O.K." and nasal expressions like "Uh-huh", the English language provides nearly fifty different methods of replying in the affirmative, including Yeah, Yeth, Yum, Yo, Yaw, Chess, Chass, Chuss, Yip, Yep, Yop, Yup, Yurp...'
    'Stop it!' cried John forcefully.
    Hugo patted him affectionately on the shoulder.
    'All right, John. All right, old man. I quite understand. You're upset. A little on edge, yes? Of course you are. But listen, John, I want to talk to you very seriously for a moment, in a broad-minded spirit of cousinly good will. If I were you, laddie, I would take myself firmly in hand at this juncture. You must see for yourself by now that you're simply wasting your time fooling about after dear old Pat. A sweet girl, I grant you – one of the best: but if she won't have you she won't, and that's that. Isn't it or is it? Take my tip and wash the whole thing out and start looking round for someone else. Now, there's this Miss Molloy, for instance. Pretty. Pots of money. If I were you, while she's at Rudge, I'd have a decided pop at her. You see, you're one of those fellows that Nature intended for a married man right from the start. You're a confirmed settler-down, the sort of chap that likes to roll the garden lawn and then put on his slippers and light a pipe and sit side by side with the little woman, sharing a twin set of head phones. Pull up your socks, John, and have a dash at this Molloy girl. You'd be on velvet with a rich wife.'
    At several points during this harangue John had endeavoured to speak, and he was just about to do so now, when there occurred that which rendered speech impossible. From immediately behind them, as they stood facing the door, a voice spoke.
    'I want my bag, Hugo.'
    It was Pat. She was standing within a yard of them. Her face was still that of a martyr, but now she seemed to suggest by her expression a martyr whose tormentors have suddenly thought up something new.
    'You've got my bag,' she said.
    'Oh, ah,' said Hugo.
    He handed over the beaded trifle, and she took it with a cold aloofness. There was a pause.
    'Well, good night,' said Hugo.
    'Good night,' said Pat.
    'Good night,' said John.
    'Good night,' said Pat.
    She turned away, and the lift bore her aloft. Its machinery