Free Mother of Prevention by Lori Copeland Page B

were thirty to forty thousand dollars out of my price range. I’dbeen warned that Bay property was expensive, but I’d never dreamed that an ordinary house—similar to what Neil and I had bought in Oklahoma eight years ago—would cost close to half a million dollars.
    I didn’t have that kind of money and I couldn’t raise it. My job paid well, but not that well. I’d even gotten a raise with the move—now I knew why.
    When Burt dropped us back at The Crab, the girls and I headed upstairs and fell across the bed. The three of us lay there in the dingy room, staring sightlessly at the ceiling. Sticker shocked.
    “What are we going to do, Mommy? We don’t have enough money to buy a house, do we?”
    I shook my head. “Not one of those houses, Kris.”
    I knew the poor thing had more responsibility on her young shoulders than was fair for a seven-year-old. She worried about me, about family finances. It wasn’t reasonable what I was putting her or Kelli through, but I was powerless to pull myself together, too discouraged to show any true grit at the moment. I wasn’t competent enough to raise these children.
    You should have taken me, God.
    I realized that I’d spoken to Him for the first time in weeks. Then I couldn’t stop. Bitterness tumbled out.
    It should have been me. Neil could have handled this better. He was stronger. Smarter. Wiser. I’ll only make a mess out of raising my children. I can’t provide a decent home. I fall apart at the first sign of difficulty. How could You have made such a mistake?
    Rain splattered the dingy windows, and I closed my eyes. My head pounded; I hadn’t eaten all day. Kris had made coffee this morning, and before Burt picked us up we’d walked to the fast-food restaurant and Kris and Kelli had eaten a breakfast sandwich.
    I turned to look at my daughters, now fast asleep on the bed beside me, their young faces so innocent in sleep. What was I going to do?
     
    “Mommy?”
    “Yes, sweetie?” I stirred. The bedside lamp was on, so I must have fallen asleep. I looked up at Kris and smiled. “What is it, honey?”
    “Kelli’s got a toad cornered in the bathroom.”
    Her declaration took a second to register. Then I leaped off the mattress and shot into the bathroom in time to see my precious five-year-old reach for the toad.
    “S-to-o-o-op!”
    She jerked her hand back, eyes wide. “It’s a baby, Mommy. Isn’t he cute?”
    “Don’t touch that slimy thing!” I knew I looked and sounded like a wild woman, shrieking, scaring my daughters to death, but amphibians of any kind freaked me out!
    Rain, shabby houses, snakes.
    What next, God?
    I didn’t care to know. I had more on my plate than I could handle.
    And now toads.

Chapter 6
    W e arrived home from San Francisco exhausted and a little down from our trip, but safe. The salon phone would be ringing off the hook as usual for appointments between appointments. Now it was Monday morning, and my day had started off on a sour note.
    Kelli was up and dressed, ready for school. Kris was still staggering around half-asleep, her hair looking as if she had been caught in an electric fan, and she was still wearing pajamas. How had I managed to give birth to two daughters with such completely different personalities?
    The phone rang while I was slapping cereal bowls on the table. I stumbled over Sailor and dropped a jar of grape jelly. The jar hit the floor squarely on its glass bottom. Whoever had used it last hadn’t tightened the lid. The lid shot off and a blob of jelly caromed off the ceiling, leaving a lovely purple blotch.
    I grabbed the receiver and snapped, “Hello.”
    “Kate?” Maria? On the phone this early? This would not be good.
    “Yes. Sorry.” I reached for an attitude adjustment. “Things are a little hectic around here this morning.”
    Maria accepted the apology at face value and got down to business. “ Chérie, did you find anything to buy in San Francisco?”
    “Nothing I could afford. And the