Free I Am Gold by Bill James Page B

for a name like Beauregard or Hengest, yes? You could feed it into the Criminal Records Office memory and get a manageable shortlist of possibles. There’ll be a lot of Johns, though.’
    â€˜So, do I get from this that your name’s not really John?’
    â€˜John will do.’
    â€˜Yes, of course.’
    â€˜You’re doing the sweet reasonableness act, are you, Olly?’
    â€˜We’re concerned about the people with you.’
    â€˜I want you to be concerned. It’s very wise of you to be concerned. I want you to be so concerned you don’t come blasting.’
    â€˜I believe there are four. Can you help me on that, d’you think?’ ‘No.’
    â€˜We have a name for one of them, the manageress. This is Mrs Beatrice South, aged fifty-two, living locally at 11 Masterman Avenue.’
    â€˜That’s a name you have, is it?’
    â€˜We believe there are three females, one male, one female possibly in her thirties. The male perhaps forty to fifty. All Caucasian. Are they well, John? We have nurses and a doctor here. I’m wondering about stress. There’s bound to be some stress, isn’t there?’
    â€˜I didn’t hurt her.’
    â€˜Who?’
    â€˜The one off the street.’
    â€˜You took her into the shop.’
    â€˜I didn’t hurt her.’
    â€˜I believe you, John. Is she all right now?’
    â€˜Why wouldn’t she be all right?’
    â€˜Shocked?’
    â€˜If someone grabs you and pulls you into a charity shop you’ll be a bit shocked, yes. Maybe she thought it was a hard sell – “Get in there and buy something!” And two pigs with guns running towards you and yelling “Stop!” Another shock.’
    â€˜You still have your sense of humour, John, haven’t you?’
    â€˜Most love a joke. My father used to say, “If you can make people smile you can make them your friends.”’
    â€˜Often, fathers have observed life over some decades and will come out with useful words of advice.’
    â€˜What advice did your father give you , Olly?’
    â€˜Where would you have been when your father made that heartening comment to you, John?’
    â€˜Did your father tell you, “If you’re involved in a siege, keep him talking shit, Olly, and, while he’s at it, a couple of lads can get in and blow some holes in him of a non-therapeutic nature.” I’m assuming your father would have quite a vocabulary, judging by your own.’
    â€˜But she’s recovered now?’ the negotiator said.
    â€˜Who?’
    â€˜The woman off the street.’
    â€˜This shop’s full of rubbish.’
    â€˜I wondered if you could put Mrs Beatrice South, the manageress, on the line, John. Or any of the others.’
    â€˜You wondered that, did you, Olly?’
    â€˜It would be simply to establish contact.’
    â€˜I can’t see this would be helpful.’
    â€˜No. Right. Only a suggestion.’
    â€˜How many listening to this chat beside you, Olly? You smarm away so well. But who’s running things? What’s the plan?’
    â€˜Obviously, Mrs South’s family are worried. I’d like to be able to reassure them.’
    â€˜Reassure them then.’
    â€˜It’s not the same, John, is it?’
    â€˜Not the same as what?’
    â€˜Not the same as speaking to her.’
    â€˜We’re all jolly and comfy here.’
    â€˜As I said, your sense of humour is remarkable, in the circumstances.’
    â€˜Yes, in the circumstances. If you listen you’ll hear us all giggling like idiots. This is a game, isn’t it, Olly?’
    â€˜A game? In what sense would you say it’s a game, John?’
    â€˜Play-acting.’
    â€˜â€œPlay-acting”? I don’t think I understand.’ ‘Yes, you understand. And you’re play-acting some more when you say you don’t understand.’
    â€˜This is