Free Blast From the Past by Ben Elton Page A

down the wall, her back cold against the plaster until she sat upon her haunches. Jack and the Bug? Within minutes of each other? What could be going on? What was happening?
    Perhaps half a minute went by before the front door buzzer sounded again. She was waiting for it but it still made her jump. Like the phone, the buzzer seemed much louder than it did in the day. Even in Polly’s emotional state she found herself wondering if it could be heard in the flat below. She hoped not. She was currently in dispute with the man downstairs. He was a milkman who rose every morning at four and put on his radio, a habit which had caused Polly to voice numerous complaints. She did not want to arm the man with counter-accusations of late-night comings and goings.
    The buzzer buzzed again.
    She would not answer it. It would be the Bug again. Polly knew his pattern well enough. He tended to attack (which was how Polly privately described the Bug’s intrusions into her life), then attack once or twice more before disappearing, long before any policeman might deign to turn up. On the other hand, supposing it wasn’t the Bug? Supposing it was him, Jack? Unlikely, of course. After all, it was only a minute or two since Jack had telephoned, but he’d said he wouldn’t be long … If indeed it had been Jack at all … In her distraught state Polly found herself prey to the most paranoid of musings. Had the Bug found out about Jack? Was he somehow playing a terribly cruel trick on her? Had she merely imagined that the voice had been that of her former lover?
    Buzz.
    She had to answer it. So what if it was the Bug? She would call him a sad no-dick. What was more, if she did not feel justified in using her panic button she could certainly let off her rape alarm into the intercom. Sod the milkman, sod everyone else in the house if it woke them up. They weren’t being stalked. She would shatter the Bug’s eardrum. Polly went to her bedside table and took up the little alarm tube. Suitably armed, she returned to the intercom and picked up the receiver.
    ‘Yes?’ This time her voice was like steel. Fuck-off-and-die steel. Her thumb hovered over the rape-alarm button.
    ‘Polly. It’s me. It’s Jack.’
    It was Jack. There could be no doubt. There was only one Jack.
    The relief! The blessed relief. But what about the Bug?
    ‘Jack. Is there anyone else down there? A man?’
    ‘What?’
    ‘It’s a perfectly simple question! Is there anyone else there, Jack? Thin, pale, mousy hair?’
    Down in the street Jack glanced about him. He did not know what he had expected Polly to say to him, but it was not this. The reunion conversation was not shaping up the way he had expected. First he had been forced to put her on hold, now she was asking him about other men.
    ‘There’s no one in the street but me, Polly. Can I come up?’
    Polly struggled to become mistress of her emotions and her thoughts. It must be coincidence. Jack and the Bug could not be connected. It just so happened that on this very strange and crowded night the two men who, in their different ways, had hijacked Polly’s emotions more effectively than any other people in her life, should clash. The Bug had simply chosen this night to revert to form, the same night that Jack, Jack of all people in the world, had decided to drop by.
    ‘What is this about, Jack?’ she said into the mouthpiece.
    ‘Can I come up?’ Jack’s voice replied from three floors below.
    Everything seemed to be happening at a breathtaking speed. ‘I’m in my nightie, Jack!’
    Jack did not reply to this. He considered making some smart Alec comment but decided against it, opting to leave her protest hanging on the wire that connected them. The tactic worked. Polly realized that however inappropriate the time and the circumstances might be, she was never going to simply tell Jack to go away.
    ‘I’m on the top floor.’
    Polly pressed the buzzer and let Jack back into her life.

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    WATCHING FROM A