Free The Boy Who Never Grew Up by David Handler Page A

You have a basset hound!” He flopped to his knees and petted her, thrilled. “I love basset hounds! Love ’em!”
    “She’s very sensitive,” Bunny informed her son. “So be nice.”
    “Know who she looks just like?” he said, peering at her.
    I nodded. “Streisand. Everyone says so.”
    “Cleo. Remember The People’s Choice ?”
    “Vaguely,” I replied, not liking where this was going.
    “It was a sitcom in the fifties, with Jackie Cooper. Cleo was his dog. She used to make comments about everything that was going on. She didn’t actually talk. It was more like we heard her thoughts. Lulu looks just like her.”
    “How nice,” I said, watching her head swell even more.
    “Mary Jane Croft was the actress who did her voice,” he added quickly, as if that was going to be my next question. “She played Clara Randolph on Ozzie and Harriet and Joan’s friend Helen on I Married Joan and Chester Riley’s sister, Cissy, on The Life of Riley. You into trivia?”
    “These days, I’m happy just to remember my own name,” I confessed.
    He sat back on his haunches, chuckling with delight over Lulu. “Hey, can she do any tricks?”
    “I wouldn’t exactly call them tricks.”
    Lulu threw back her head and started moaning loudly. She needs very little encouragement.
    “Oy, yoy, what’s that?” asked Bunny, aghast.
    “Her imitation of Roseanne Barr singing the National Anthem ,” I replied. “Good girl, Lulu. You can stop now.”
    She wasn’t done though. Not with a world-famous director as her captive audience. She covered her eyes with her paws now, hamming shamelessly.
    Matthew frowned. “And that?”
    “That would be Asta, whenever Nick and Nora started to get mushy. Okay, Lulu. You can—”
    “Can she flap her ears straight up in the air like Cleo?” asked Matthew.
    “Only if she’s in the process of falling from a very tall building. Which she may soon be, if she doesn’t behave herself.”
    She grunted at me and went back under the table, peeved.
    “What is it you wanted to have tonight, sweetheart?” Bunny asked Matthew.
    “Cheese steaks,” he replied. “With lots of onions and hot peppers. Can we, Ma?”
    “I’m making salmon patties,” she replied firmly. “And those Tater Tots you like. Now go eat your sandwich.”
    “Sure, Ma.”
    It was on the counter by the sink. She’d cut the crusts off for him. He loped over to it and began chomping, slumped there against the sink.
    She watched him eat, crinkling her nose at every bite. I think she’d have chewed his food for him if she could have. “Don’t slouch,” she reminded him.
    “Sure, Ma.” He stood straighter, grinning down at her fondly.
    “And how many days have you been wearing that T-shirt?” she demanded, scowling up at him fiercely.
    “Dunno,” he mumbled, reddening.
    “I want you to take a bath, tonight,” Bunny ordered, shaking a finger at her towering manchild. “And change those jeans, too. You’ve been wearing them so long they could stand up by themselves.”
    “Right, Ma.”
    “Look at your nice friend here.” She glanced at me approvingly. “With his nice seersucker suit. Why, he’s fresh as a daisy.”
    “I wouldn’t go quite that far,” I said.
    “All right, I’m going,” she announced abruptly. “You two boys have business to discuss.” She went over to Matthew and held her face up to him. He bent over and kissed her on the forehead. “I’ll be back at six. Will you be joining us for dinner, Hoagy?” she asked, scurrying off toward the living room.
    “Thanks, but I have to get settled in,” I replied. We followed her. Matthew immediately flopped onto the sofa, his big sneakered feet up on the coffee table.
    Bunny whirled and barked, “Get those gunboats off the coffee table!” He obeyed. “I have to watch him like a hawk,” she clucked at me. “A hawk!” Then she gathered up his dirty clothes and went bustling off into the darkness.
    The second she was gone he put his feet