Free The BACHELORETTE Project (The Project: LESLEE Series) by Tami Anthony Page B

hand up in a halting position. “You’re engaged?”
    “I was, but not anymore … at least I don’t think.”
    “You said you were living together, but never ever did you say that you were engaged.”
    “It was a very short-lived engagement, ” I say, shrugging my shoulders.
    “How come you never told me?”
    “I don’t know. It just never came up.”
    Karen nods her head. “Oh, I see. You were embarrassed of him, weren’t you?”
    “No, I wasn’t embarrassed!”
    “Did he have both of his arms, both of his legs?” she asks.
    “Yes, all of his body parts were intact.”
    “Hmm …” Karen thinks for a second. “He had some fucked up teeth, didn’t he?”
    “No, his teeth were perfect, Karen. There was nothing wrong with him.”
    “He had a face like Shrek?”
    “Um, no,” I say. “He did not look like Shrek, you jackass.”
    “Speaking of Shrek and jackasses …” Karen pulls me off the couch and drags me through the kitchen to the backdoor of the house. She opens the door and slowly pokes her head out.
    “What are you doing?” I ask.
    “Shh!” she whispers to me. “Be quiet.”
    “Why?”
    “Because they might hear you.”
    “Who might hear me?” I whisper.
    “Shrek and her little jackasses, ” she responds.
    “What are you even talking about?”
    “My nosy next door neighbor. She’s got the body of a beast and the face of an ogre, and her children are the devil. Come and look.”
    I begin to slowly poke my head out the door and spot two little children. The little girl is funny looking and pudgy, while the little boy is cute yet lanky in size. They don’t even have coats on and it’s cold as God knows what outside. What is their mother thinking? There’s snow on the ground for crying out loud!
    Then, I spot the mother. From her feet to her ankles, she looks normal, but as you work your way up the ladder of her body, it’s quite the sight to see from her oversized, keg belly to her extremely saggy breasts that seem to reach down to her belly button. But, that’s not the worst part. After observing the chunkiness of her neck, you can’t help but to spot the most hideous, disgusting face that you would ever see in your life. A plastic surgeon’s worst nightmare … Shrek indeed. I gasp.
    “Oh my God!” I say, catching my breath.
    “Oh my God is right, ” Karen says. “Last summer, her children thought it would be a great idea to dig a pool in my yard. I could’ve choked the bastards. So now I have this big brown hole in the back of my beautiful yard all because she can’t control the little fuckers.”
    “Did she even apologize for it?”
    “No, of course not. We had an argument about it and then she got ‘so scared’ that she called the cops on me. So, since then she’s felt threatened by me, and now she tries to peep in my house from her backyard and she’s always calling the cops on me, saying that the noise level is unacceptable. She’s such a douche.”
    “Sou nds like a neighborhood rivalry, ” I say.
    “Yeah, just a little, ” Karen says as a snowball beams her in the cheek. “What the hell?!” she exclaims and walks onto her patio. “Those little fuckers! Shrek, I told you to control your damn kids!” she yells at the mother.
    “Stop calling me ‘Shrek!’” the mother yells back, stuttering. “I don’t like that, I don’t like that!”
    “Oh, screw you and your horrible ogre ways!” Karen yells back. “The next time your kids throw a snowball at me, I will bury them in the hole that they dug in my back yard last summer!”
    “Don’t say that about my kids!”
    “Your children are the devil!” Karen shrieks.
    “You’re harassing me! I’m calling the cops!”
    “Well, go ahead and call them! Tell them I said hi! I’ll have the donuts and coffee waiting for them, SHREK!” Karen yells as she ducks inside the house and slams the door. “Ugh, those kids!” she says wiping the snow off her face and out of her hair. “They’re just