Free A Survivor's Guide to Eternity by Pete Lockett Page A

anxious grimacing had taken its toll, leaving crevices and creases that may well have been better explained by the movement of glaciers. Defiantly, the freckled leathery skin did what it could to feign a complexion that wasn’t more associated with the surface of Mars, his big, ambiguously coloured eyes, peering out like seals from holes in ice.
    Ed approached closer, ready for the customary handshake.
    “Erm, I’m Ed. Ed Trew,” said Ed, unsurprisingly cautious as he accepted the gesture.
    “You need not worry. I know you must be in a state of stupefaction. Just freshly deceased,” replied the Tudor gentleman, sending shockwaves through the tired flesh on his face.
    “How do you know I just died? Are you a mind reader or something? What’s going on?”
    Thomas sighed knowingly as their hands parted and each wondered what would come next.
    “Why did you have to grab me round the neck with the big crook?” enquired Ed.
    “Well I was pulling you from the Transience tunnel. You could not have tarried there, by my troth.”
    “The Transience tunnel? What the hell’s that?” replied Ed, beginning to notice the quaint and outdated dialect.
    “Shall we go inside and find somewhere to sit down? I can tell what I can, or at least what I know.” Thomas gestured down into the dim tunnel, away from the hole that he had been pulled through with the long crook.
    “Okay. Let’s do that. You have to know though; it’s been quite a couple of days already, so please excuse me if I’m a little short with you,” replied Ed, wondering if a similar bombshell of revelation similar to Sam’s was about to whack him like a great big rubber fist.
    “Let us away then without further ado. I know what people have been through when they get here. I have experienced the same myself after all.”
    “What, were you a tortoise as well?” enquired Ed, as the couple moved off deeper into the tunnel.
    “Not exactly. I will tell you everything, worry not.”
    “Okay then,” replied Ed, marvelling at every step he made as a human, reflecting on the trials and tribulations of being a perpetually exhausted and less-than-agile reptile. During the short distance they’d walked, the floor texture had become much smoother and easier to navigate, in contrast to the awkward uneven surface near the entrance. Ed looked down and noticed the strange sand, black in colour and slightly firm, just as he imagined it would have been on a volcanic island. He stopped briefly and looked behind to see the footprints melting away, the holes filling in and gradually leaving a smooth surface. He bent down and ran his outstretched fingers through the perfect surface, causing four equidistant indentations.
    “Have you seen this, Thomas?” queried Ed as he got back to his feet, only to see the lines gradually disappear.
    “If I had not noticed that in all the time I’ve been here, Ed, I would have been a little unobservant, is that not so?” replied Thomas without even looking round.
    “I guess so,” acknowledged Ed as he continued on his way, beginning to reflect on why he might have ended up in this strange scenario.
    Maybe I had fewer moral misdemeanours after all, and have been transported back as a human. Maybe this won’t turn out so bad after all and I might be able to get back home , thought Ed, trying to make sense of the rapidly changing situation.
    “You mentioned you had been here a long time, Thomas. How long exactly?”
    “Since the sixteenth century; I cannot recollect the exact date.”
    “Okay, not that that sounds a little far-fetched. You’ve kept well for someone hundreds of years old. Do you work out?” said Ed sarcastically, feeling he was being ridiculed by the small, well-worn man.
    “Honestly, by my troth, give ear to me. There are plenty older than me here; we have quite a collection.”
    They continued further along the tunnel and came to an intersection which acted as a hub for numerous other tunnels, all dimly lit with