Free Psyche in a Dress by Francesca Lia Block Page B

said
    “Please let me
    see you”
    And you said, “You can’t doubt so much, Psyche”
    But my half sisters were wearing black dresses
    and big sunglasses
    Their skin was tan
    They came to visit me
    I heard their heels click wickedly on the marble floor
    “Tell us about this lover of yours”
    “There isn’t anybody”
    “Bullshit,” my oldest sister said
    “Your skin never looked so good”
    They wouldn’t stop asking
     
    “I’ve never seen him,” I told them finally
    “What?”
    They were appalled
    “He only comes at night”
    “You’ve never seen his face?”
     
    He smells like night-blooming flowers
    Crushed, juicy petals on the pillows
    His voice is full of ocean
    Humming like the surf
    He kneels before me like I am his goddess
    He is a god
     
    They laughed at me
    Then their faces turned
    grave
    “You must make him show himself,” they said
    “He may be a monster”
     
    Why did I listen to them?
    They have long white-blonde hair
    large breasts
    and brown skin
    like their mother
    I have my mother’s black hair, blue eyes and pale skin
    full features and large hands like my father
    My breasts are small with large aureoles
    my legs long and too thin
    I know there is something odd
    in the way my knees touch and my neck strains
    I am not sure why you chose me
    Maybe you are a monster?
     
    One night you came to me
    I hid in the shadows and waited
    I saw a dark figure go to the bed
    feel around for the shape of my body
    Your movements became more agitated
    when you did not find me
    You called my name
    lay down on the sheets and searched for my scent
    moved restlessly for a while like a baby or an animal
    and then became
    very still
    I crept over to you and lit the candle I held
    It was a tall taper that smelled of melting honey
    In its light my lover was revealed
     
    Is beauty monstrous?
    If so, then my sisters were right
    His beauty was so sharp it could have cut
    out my heart
    He lay naked, sleeping on my bed
    How could it be?
    Why had he chosen me?
    I wanted to run and hide from him
     
    As I stood, amazed, a drop of wax from the candle fell
    and touched his bare shoulder
    He cried out and leapt up
    His face filled with pain
     
    “I told you not to look at me,” he said
    “My mother was right”
     
    No girl wants to hear those words
     
    He was so bright, a conflagration
    And I
    I had seen too much
    I had seen the god
    I was not
    a goddess
    I dropped to my knees and covered my eyes
    “Don’t come back here,” I said
     
    “Why do you doubt so much, Psyche?”
     
    He reached to touch my shoulder but I pulled away
    And then he was gone
     
    My room has never been so empty
    There is only one monster
    Here
    She is ready to do anything to be forgiven
    She has been mutilated
    (On film, but still)
    Her mother has been murdered more than once
    Now the monster’s mother is just gone
    What more must monster girl do to find the god again?

Echo
    T he film my father put me in was called Narcissus
    He saw that I was broken
    and he thought it might work well for his next project
     
    I went to the set without any makeup
    The ladies frowned at my skin
    turned my face this way and that
    in the harsh lights
     
    “What are you eating?” they asked me
    “Dairy? Sugar?”
    “Do you get any sleep?”
    “Supplements? Facials?”
    “You’ve got to start taking care of yourself”
     
    I shrugged
    I said I was okay
    I had just inherited my father’s complexion
    And now of course
    I didn’t have the benefit of sex with a god every night
     
    At least in this film no one gets raped, mutilated
    or murdered
    Unless you count vanishing as murder
    It’s what you assume in this world these days
    when someone
    disappears
    I was supposed to vanish
    turn into a voice
     
    Narcissus came to the first reading late
    He didn’t apologize
    My father didn’t say anything
    Anyone else
    he’d have fired on the spot
    Instead he just scowled
    at me
    I turned away so he couldn’t see
     
    Narcissus had long, gold