Free Deserted by L.M. McCleary Page B

out the oats and wheat that I’d saved for
him and he wasted no time in devouring it all. I gave him a small grin as I tried
my best to stay positive; what good would worry get me now? There’s no turning
back; I’ve made my choice and now I have to live with it.
    We both
sat with our breakfast, enjoying the shade and relaxing before we set off
again. I poked around at my food, not much enjoying its flavour anymore as my
mind wandered. After what I’ve been through so far and the places I’ve seen,
there was still no sign of my father or Kay; I had assumed there would be many
clues by now. Honestly, in my naivety I pretty much expected to follow a
breadcrumb trail straight to their location; I really didn’t put much stock
into what kind of journey would lay ahead for me and Ponika .
    I was
interrupted by my horse sniffing at me, most likely in the hopes of more food.
I cradled his head in my arm and patted his nose. “We need to save what we
have, boy; I’m sorry.” I continued to pat him as I thought back to a year
ago…to the final breaking point in what pushed me out into the desert.
     
               
There was a Christmas party at the community centre. We don’t always get to
throw one; it depends on what the Provider gives us in the weeks before. This
year, however, we had plenty and threw the biggest party I’d ever seen in my
seventeen years at the village; most holiday celebrations were hardly more than
house parties that could have been for anything. This party, though…not only
was it huge, but it had another meaning for me. I had never had a real birthday
party before. Mine falls two weeks after Christmas, so to me, this was a
birthday party.
    We were
all supposed to dress our best; many of the townspeople asked for nice clothes
all year round in the hopes of this celebration. The Provider rarely obliges on
frivolous things like that but this year was different - most people got everything
they asked for. Me, though? I never asked. After everything my dad had gotten
me, people became very embittered towards me, thinking that my gifts cut into
the Provider giving their family the new shoes they needed or those earrings
their daughter wanted; like there was some kind of unspoken quota my dad knew
about the Provider.
    But you
know what? Maybe there was…and maybe he did know. I’ve often wondered just how
my father managed to get the goods he did…and how frequently. What did he know
that no one else did? Why didn’t he tell anyone? Maybe I should be
asking why nobody ever questioned it…
    Well,
like I said, I asked for nothing. When my mom found out that I had outgrown
what little formal wear I had, she got quite upset. “Well that just won’t do,” she
had said.
    She dug
through her closet and found a few dresses she had worn when she was young;
beautiful dresses, in all honesty, and I was surprised at how well they fit.
I’ll never forget the look on my mother’s face when I came out of the bedroom
wearing her little black dress.
    “Oh…”
She had said, her eyes softening, “ you look stunning.”
    She
smiled at me and I smiled back. There was a moment then, as we looked at each
other, where our eyes seemed to say what we never could. It was the first, and
last, compliment my mother ever gave me.
    We had
walked together to the party, mostly in silence but she did attempt small talk.
My father had already been gone for two years by this point, and my mother had
dropped whatever deadbeat boyfriend she had had previously. It was a tough time
for both of us, but I felt strangely proud of her that night; she appeared to
be having genuine fun socializing and she had hardly anything to drink. It
seemed like a good night for her, like maybe she was getting better. I won’t lie;
it gave me hope, too. Hope that our relationship could be mended. Hope that,
maybe…I wouldn’t feel so alone anymore.
    Kay was
already at the community centre when I arrived; his parents always did some