Free Mrs. Cooney Is Loony! by Dan Gutman Page A

laughed even though he didn’t say anything funny.
    Getting out of math wasn’t the only reason I wanted to go to Mrs. Cooney’s office. There was another reason.
    But I can’t tell you what it is.
    I shouldn’t be telling you.
    Okay, I’ll tell you. But you have to promise not to tell anybody else or you’re going to die as soon as the words leave your lips.
    Here it is.
    Mrs. Cooney is the most beautiful lady in the history of the world.

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Mrs. Cooney Is Loony!
    â€œGood morning, A.J.,” Mrs. Cooney said when I walked into the nurse’s office. She has a really soft voice that you can barely hear. “Miss Daisy told me you might be sick.”
    I was sick. Sick of math. But I didn’t tell Mrs. Cooney that.
    â€œI think I have a headache,” I lied.
    Mrs. Cooney has really pretty straight brown hair and blue eyes that look like the color of cotton candy yogurt. The kind with no sprinkles. And she was wearing a white nurse’s uniform. And she is beautiful.
    You want to know how beautiful Mrs. Cooney is? She looks like this famous movie star who I can’t remember her name. But every time my mom sees a picture of this movie star, she asks my dad if he thinks she’s pretty. And my dad says no, of course not. Then my mom gets mad. Then my dad spends like an hour trying to convince my mom that mymom is just as pretty as the movie star.
    Mrs. Cooney is even prettier than that movie star.
    I decided that I didn’t want to go home anymore. I wanted to stay in the nurse’s office with Mrs. Cooney.
    â€œDo you want to go home, A.J.?” askedMrs. Cooney. “Emily’s mom just picked her up. I hope you don’t have what she has.”

    â€œUh, no,” I said. “I feel a lot better now.”
    â€œWell, if you feel better, you can go back to class,” Mrs. Cooney said.
    â€œCan I stay here for a while?” I asked. “Just in case I might have to throw up?”
    â€œOkay,” said Mrs. Cooney. “Sit down on the couch, A.J.”
    There were about a million hundred Beanie Babies all over the couch. I sat down on it. Mrs. Cooney asked me what I had for breakfast, what time I went to sleep last night, what I was allergic to, and a bunch of other questions. Shesure is a curious lady!
    Next to the couch, on the wall, there was this poster. It was a cartoon showing a kid who got some food caught in his throat. He’s choking. So this other kid comes over and grabs him from behind and whacks him in the stomach. The food goes flying out of the first kid’s mouth.
    It was a cool cartoon.
    â€œA.J., I have a cure for your headache,” Mrs. Cooney said. “Take this yardstick. I want you to balance it on your nose.”
    â€œHuh? Why would that help my headache?” I asked.
    â€œA.J., I’m a trained nurse,” Mrs. Cooneysaid. “I know what I’m doing.”
    I took the yardstick and balanced it on my nose.
    â€œLike this?” I asked.
    â€œVery good,” Mrs. Cooney said. “Now I want you to get up and hop on one foot while you keep balancing the yardstick.”
    â€œWhat will that do?” I asked.
    â€œI’m a trained nurse!” Mrs. Cooney said. “Just do it.”
    So I got up and hopped on one foot with the yardstick on my nose.
    â€œDoes your head feel better now?” she asked.
    â€œA little, I guess.”
    I didn’t want to say I was better,because she would send me back to class.

    â€œGood,” Mrs. Cooney said. “Now while you do that, I want you to cluck like a chicken.”
    â€œHuh?” I asked.
    â€œJust cluck!”
    So I clucked like a chicken while I hopped on one foot and balanced the yardstick on my nose. It wasn’t really fun at all. It was hard to do!
    â€œHow do you feel now, A.J.?” Mrs. Cooney asked.
    â€œI think maybe I’m all better,” I said.
    â€œGood. See, I told you I had a cure,” said Mrs.