Free To Love and Serve by Caridad Piñeiro Page B

was certain of one thing. “I love you, Ryder. Don’t ever doubt that.”
    “Then what, Diana?” He held out his hands, palms up in pleading. She knew how hard that was for him. He wasn’t the kind of man to beg.
    She clutched her arms around her middle. She’d always thought she was strong, but when it came to him, she was weak in so many ways—confused when she’d always been rational, scared when she’d always been fearless.
    “The other night…you terrified me,” she admitted.
    This time he was the one who looked away. He dragged his hands roughly through his hair, then laced his fingers behind his head and stood there, his chest expanding as he sucked in a breath and held it. When he finally exhaled, his entire body seemed to deflate before her eyes. He turned his gaze on her and sadness filled the dark depths. Sadness and despair—emotions that mirrored her own.
    She stepped forward and finally touched him, laying her hand in the middle of his chest, and looked up at him.
    “You terrified me, because deep in here—” she laid her free hand over her own heart—“I’m not sure what I want. I’m scared I can’t handle those darkest parts of myself if you were to turn me. I’m so afraid you’ll stop loving what I’ll become.”
    He covered her hand on his chest with his. “I know how turning can change a person. I’ve lived it. But I survived to become what I am now. What you love now.”
    She smiled wistfully. “I do love you, Ryder. But I’m not sure I’m as strong as you are. Not sure I can maintain enough humanity to control the demon. I already lost my way once before and barely came through it alive.”
    “I’ll help you through the worst of it. I have faith that you can control the vampire when the time comes.”
    She moved swiftly, covering his mouth with her hand. “I don’t want to live the rest of my life worrying about the ‘when.’ I want to heal now so I can be whole again.” It wasn’t often in her life that Diana didn’t have a game plan. Not since she’d nearly drowned in the abyss. From the day she’d awoken face-down in her own tequila-laced vomit, she’d set herself on a course to become someone who mattered. Someone who made a difference, and did the right thing, as her father had asked her to do.
    Despite Ryder’s reassurance, she had no guarantee she wouldn’t become one of the soulless beasts that roamed the streets, preying on those she’d once sworn to protect.
    She lowered her hand to his heart again. “I want to live each day at a time, my love. See where life takes us, without worrying about the ‘when.’ ”
    With a slow but accepting nod, Ryder slid his hands to her hips. “Whatever you need, darlin’. I’ll be here for you.”
    “I just need a little more distance, Ryder. I won’t be long. I promise.”
    Ryder sighed. “I came home early to spend time with you. But something’s come up, so I’ll go to Diego’s to help out. Give you some space.”
    She heard an uneasiness in his voice that had nothing to do with her. “Is something wrong?”
    “Nothing we can’t handle.” He gave her a kiss on the cheek, and disappeared in a blast of vampire speed before she had time to ask anything else.

Chapter Eleven
    Diego opened the door wide to let Ryder in, his features carefully schooled.
    “What’s happened?” Ryder asked.
    “Jeremy’s flight got diverted to Iceland. He won’t be able to make the parlay tonight. Stacia’s still in Florida with her new husband, and it’s too late to call her.”
    Which would leave only three of their own Council to face the Slayer Council. “How many members are there in the slayer contingent?”
    Diego shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant, but he was obviously nervous. “No fewer than six. Plus they usually bring one or two of their up and coming slayers for extra muscle.”
    Ryder considered the odds. Eight to three. Not good. “If you need me, I’ll have your back.”
    Diego smiled in relief.