Free Darkness Awakened (Primal Heat Trilogy #1) (Order of the Blade) by Stephanie Rowe Page B

was my illusion. I did it. I tried to kill both of us.”

Chapter Five
     
    Quinn’s body went rigid under her grasp, and Grace clutched his wrist tighter, as if she could call back that moment of intimacy when he’d touched her hair. “You swore you’d listen to the whole story before judging me.”
    “I’m listening.” His voice was tight, reserved, utterly devoid of the concern she’d felt from him a minute ago. “You tried to kill me. I heard that.”
    “No. Not on purpose.” She sat up, hating the look of distrust on Quinn’s face, especially after they’d just connected. God, she was tired of being who she was, she was tired of not being trusted, and she was tired of the fact that everyone was right not to trust her.
    When Quinn had agreed to help and whisked her away from the illusion, it had been the greatest relief to realize she wasn’t alone in this battle anymore. She’d felt like someone had given her a ray of hope that maybe things were finally going to turn for the better.
    After having been given the gift of his help, seeing the look of distrust on his face now stripped Grace of what little reserves of strength she still had left. She was too tired to pull herself together one more time. Too exhausted to lose hope and then find courage one more time.
    No. She had to fight for this. For his help. Despite the distance he’d erected between them, she couldn’t give up. “I would never hurt you, or anyone, on purpose. Never.” Grace tightened her grip on him, willing him to understand. If anyone could, this man who saw death and evil on a daily basis was the one who would be able to see past the blood on her hands. “I have trouble controlling the illusions, especially under stress. It was a response to the threat I felt from the other illusion, and I couldn’t stop it.”
    Quinn narrowed his eyes. “That’s why it appeared? To protect you?”
    “Yes.”
    “It protected you by burning you and nearly killing you?” He didn’t hide his skepticism.
    Yeah, okay, she could see how this was going to be tough to explain. Fine. She gave up trying to have any pride. He wanted the truth? He’d get the damn truth. “Okay, so you want the whole story?”
    “That would be nice.”
    “Fine.” Grace folded her arms over her chest. “The truth is that I suck. I’m the only Illusionist in history who’s susceptible to her own illusions. I have no idea how to protect myself from them, and I can’t control them. I don’t know why they can actually cause physical damage when other people’s don’t. I’ve tried everything to keep them from affecting me, and I can’t do it.”
    She leaned her head back against the wall of the tunnel, not even bothering to hide the tears of frustration. “I know I’m a nightmare. I’m a threat to anyone unlucky enough to come near me. I’ve fought so hard to suppress them, but I knew I was slipping. I knew it was just a matter of time until I lost the battle, and I did.” She closed her eyes, wondering what would happen now. Would they start coming more often now? Or would that explosion relieve the pressure? Please, God, make them go away .
    Quinn said nothing for a moment, and she didn’t bother to open her eyes. She didn’t say anything more. She had no more defenses.
    “Who was supposed to teach you how to manage your powers?”
    She squeezed her eyes shut against the sudden surge of loneliness. “My parents.”
    “Why didn’t they?”
    “They died.”
    “I’m sorry.” He set his hand on her shoulder, the kind gesture making fresh tears want to fall.
    “Don’t be nice,” she whispered, her voice raw with emotion. “I have no defenses to nice.”
    Quinn sighed and dropped his hand, and instantly Grace regretted her rejection of him. She wanted to crawl across that rocky ground, climb into his lap and stop fighting. Even for a minute or two, she wanted to stop fighting so hard to be strong.
    “Why couldn’t you get other Illusionists to