Free Self Destruct by K. D. Carrillo Page A

born. I was very close to them, and I couldn't attend the reading of their will because it was too hard.  Before I knew it they were gone, my son was gone, and I was drowning in guilt.
    My brain was in a fog, and I couldn't muster the fight to leave Vanessa. And, I wanted to see him again.  The last couple of years though, I began to realize he wouldn’t appreciate us tearing him from a family that has loved him for years.  He deserves the stability and family we couldn’t provide for him.
    My dad helped me get in touch with the adoption agency.  His lawyer threatened them and got the information I needed to be able to let him go.  They initially refused to tell me anything, but when they realized I never signed over my rights they gave me any information I wanted.
    I wanted to know about the family.  I met them.  They are a nice couple in their late thirties.  They wanted children, but weren’t able to have any of their own.  They showed me pictures, told me about his first year of school, and promised if he ever wanted to contact me they would let him. 
    That was actually right before I went to visit Vanessa in New York.  I was confused, and I wanted to see if there was anything real between us. I never told her about them. 
    She was preoccup ied with her current flirtation. Yet she still talked about us like we were inevitable.  I left there bitter, and intended to drink myself into a coma while I was here at the lake. 
    That was before I saw a flame haired temptress taunting me with her innocence and freedom.  See Becca you aren’t a rebound, you are my lifeline.  You pulled me from the darkness I’ve been living in." 
    I took a deep breath and continued.  " Does this story change your mind about starting something with me?  I would rather know now, than fall farther for you and have you rip my heart out.  I can see that falling for you will be as easy as breathing if nothing stands between us.  Let me know gorgeous, is this going to stand between us?”
    She stretched up from her shorter five foot four inch stature and I leaned down to help breach the gap between our heights.  She smiled sweetly and kissed me gently on the mouth. 
    “Why would that scare me away.  I hate her more than I did before. Before this story she was the girl who had what I wanted.  I was blind with jealousy then, but now she’s the girl who hurt someone I care about.  I’m sorry that happened to you.”
    My jaw clenched.  I didn’t deserve her sweetness.  “Don’t you see it didn’t happen to me.  I was irresponsible, and she got pregnant.  I created the problem in the first place.”  She raised her eyebrows in challenge.  “Oh, I see.  You forced her to have sex with you.”
    “What!” I choked out.  “I would never, ever force a woman to do something she didn’t want to do.”  She smiled like I played into her hand. “You mean she was an equal participant?  She could have stopped things and verified that all precautions were taken as well?  Oh, wait you said she pressured you to forgo protection.” 
    “Shit,” I muttered.  “Right, this self-hatred you have is shit.  Sure it is partly your fault, but it was her fault too.  And it. Was. An. Accident.” 
    “I don’t deserve you.” I exhaled forcefully.  Her lips quirked in amusement. “Well then I guess you are going to have to work real hard to change that, huh?”  “Hmm?” I asked inarticulately.  “I’m agreeing to give you a chance.  Obviously I’m not easy,” she teased.

13
    Rebecca
     
    I was smiling like an idiot.  If he was unsure how I felt about him before, I’m pretty sure the stupid grin on my face cleared things up.  I did manage not to break out into a celebratory dance, or laugh like a hyena. 
    “I love seeing you blush,” Aiden whispered in my ear.  Naturally I only turned a deeper shade of red.  He chuckled, and his warm breath tickled the side of my neck. 
    “Can I make you dinner?”