Free Gathering of Pearls by Sook Nyul Choi Page B

always put them back when I return.
    By the time you receive this letter, it will be Christmastime. Your brothers and I are going to attend midnight Mass at Myungdong Cathedral. Will you be spending the vacation with your roommate's family? Have a merry Christmas.
    Your loving mother
    Tears filled my eyes. I missed Mother, and wished I could hug her, or sit with her in the kitchen and just talk to her. She always worked so hard, and never uttered a word of complaint. I think I was the only one who understood her. My brothers were always out, and my sister only saw Mother for brief visits. Now Bokhi wouldn't be there either.
    Why couldn't Bokhi continue to come by and get to know Hyunchun? They could wait for each other. Traditions and customs! I could tell Mother felt for the two of them, yet there was nothing she could do.
    I knew Mother. I saw how sad and pensive she looked when she thought no one was around. I used to hear her sigh as she worked late into the night while the rest of us were in bed. Sometimes, I would go to her room late at night, and I would see her sitting up straight, staring at the moon as if she were searching for someone. I knew she needed someone to talk to, but when I went to her at those times, she would just hug me and tell me to go back to bed. I knew she thought I was too young to understand.
    Without Father, she needed her eldest daughter to talk to, but Theresa was busy with her work at the convent. Mother would stay up half the night cooking or sewing things for the nuns before we made our monthly visits to the convent. She always worked too hard. The last time I went with her, she had stayed up the entire night making layers and layers of rice cakes to feed the nuns, all one hundred of them. We carried the heavy containers of rice cakes onto the crowded bus and then all the way up the'hill to the convent. As I watched Mother perspiring and stopping to catch her breath, I got so angry that I shouted, "Why couldn't we bring a small package just for Theresa?" But Mother had answered, "It is a convent and they are all my daughters."
    I didn't say another word about it, especially not to my brothers. They would have scolded me and told me that I was rude and disrespectful. We had to support our older sister and the nuns who worked so hard, I knew they would have said. I often wondered if I were not as kindhearted as the rest of my family.
    Although I loved my sister and admired her hard work for the poor, I didn't like the way she upset Mother all the time by telling her of her hardships at the convent. Mother had so little herself that I resented my sister's unending demands. I did not understand my sister some times. I promised myself that I would not be like her, that I would take care of my problems on my own. Mother did not need anyone giving her more worries. I began to read my sister's letter.
To my dear younger sister,
    My work never ends. Each day I toil from dawn to dusk, and still there is so much more to do. So many poor people need our help.
    I received your letter. You seem very much taken with the independence and outspokenness of American young people. And you were unduly impressed by your professor's cooking for his family. Please remember that you are at an impressionable age. You must think long and carefully about these new attitudes and ideas before you embrace them with such enthusiasm. You also seem to be quite chatty. You must be in the habit of talking a great deal with your college friends. Remember that a young woman must spare her words and think carefully before she speaks.
    I feel that you may have left home too early. You must not forget the beauty of our traditions and culture. Our ways are not always easy, but the values which we maintain are so important. Remember that family is one of the most important things in your life. Doing your duties as a younger sister is sometimes difficult, but your older brothers have done many things for you, and you must honor and