Free Tattoos and TaTas (Chocoholics #2.5) by Tara Sivec Page B

didn’t answer. His eyes glazed over as Jim squeezed harder and when the balloon popped, I swear to God his legs almost gave out and his eyes rolled to the back of his head.
    Since Jim didn’t find the pregnancy test in that balloon, he went to work walking around the store, stomping on balloons as he went. I couldn’t help but notice that Drew was following close behind Jim. Every time he popped another balloon, Drew’s voice got deeper and more sexual as he cheered him on and it really started to creep me the fuck out. I couldn’t even complain to my friends, though, because they were all sucking helium and cracking each other up.
    “We represent, the Lollypop Guild, the Lollypop Guild, the Lollypop Guild!” Carter sang in a squeaky, high-pitched voice. Everyone laughed while Drew got right up by my ear.
    “Tell Jim he should pop that red one next. It’s so round and full and when it pops it’s going to make this great noise and the smell of rubber will fill the air…” he trailed off and his entire body shuddered.
    “What in the actual fuck is happening with you right now?”
    Drew ignored me, bending down to grab a red balloon. He rubbed it over his chest and sighed before handing it to Jim.
    “I am not touching that thing now that you fondled it,” Jim told him.
    His eyes widened. “Can I pop it? Please, please, please, can I, can I, can I?!”
    “You can pop every fucking balloon in here if it means you’ll stop looking like you want to have sex with the damn things,” Jim told him in disgust as Drew hummed while he squeezed the balloon.
    “Drew is a Looner,” Jenny yelled over to me in a helium-filled voice.
    “What the hell is a Looner?” Claire asked in the same munchkin-like, helium tone.
    “A Looner is a very complex individual who revels in the popping of balloons,” Carter informed us, sounding like a cast-off from Wizard of Oz.
    When everyone looked at him funny, he just shrugged. “I Googled it.”
    “Ha! Now I know why Drew wanted to fill this place with balloons,” Claire announced before taking another hit of helium. “Drew is a balloon fucker!”
    Now, one would think that hearing the words “balloon fucker” coming from the mouth of my best friend who sounded like she was from Munchkin Land would have been hilarious. However, Drew was now on all fours down by my feet, dry humping a balloon.
    “OH, MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” I screamed at him.
    “I’m only doing what comes naturally! My balloon fetish is a form of sexual imprinting! YOU CAN’T STOP ME FROM SEXUALLY IMPRINTING ON THIS GREEN BALLOON!” Drew shouted as he thrust roughly against the balloon until it popped.
    As soon as it exploded, I heard the click-click-click of a plastic pregnancy test bouncing across the floor.
    “WOOOHOOO! You found the balloon with the surprise in it! Pick it up and show it to Jim!” Carter squeaked with his fists pumping in the air.
    “If you think I am going to touch something that Drew just humped out of a balloon, you are sadly mistaken,” I told him.
    “Whew, that was exhausting. I think I need a nap,” Drew announced, grabbing onto an orange balloon and sticking it under his head like a pillow.
    Jim ran across the room, shoving balloons aside until he found the test on the floor a few feet away. He picked it up, stared at it in awe for a few minutes before walking back to me.
    “Liz, are you serious?! Are you—”
    “WE WELCOME YOU TO MUNCHKIN LAND!” Jenny sang loudly, dissolving in a fit of giggles as she quickly grabbed another balloon from the ceiling while Claire and Carter took a big huff of the balloons in each of their hands.
    I sighed, turning back to Jim to finally tell him out loud what he already knew was true. “I love you. We’re going to have a—”
    “Tra la la la la la la la la la la la!” Carter and Claire squeaked at the top of their tinny voices.
    “When you guys are finished, can I spend some time alone here in the shop?” Drew suddenly