Free Summer at Tiffany's by Karen Swan Page A

Or maybe not.’
    â€˜Henry, stop.’ She could feel it beginning again.
    â€˜Why? It’s true, isn’t it? A year and a half ago I gave you a ring and you said, “Yes,” but that doesn’t
actually
commit us to anything. It certainly doesn’t make us family. It certainly doesn’t mean that you can be there at the moments that count! Either one of us could change our mind at any given point and the whole arrangement would just come down as easily as a house of cards. Poof! Gone.’ He clicked his fingers hard, the gesture making her jump.
    She blinked at him, feeling the first smarting of tears behind her eyes. There they were – back to their age-old argument, their only one. ‘This isn’t about us.’
    â€˜Of course it’s about us!’ he scoffed. ‘It’s about you refusing to commit to anything beyond the next meal. We can’t buy a flat together because that would mean using your divorce settlement, and that’s your fallback, right? I mean, God knows after you caught Gil in the act, I might turn out to be just as big a bastard as him, and then where will you be?’
    â€˜Henr—’ It wasn’t like that, and he knew it. How many times had she tried to explain that the divorce money felt tainted to her? How could she get across her fear to him that using the money would feel, somehow, like she was letting Gil back into their lives? But he wasn’t listening.
    â€˜You won’t let us buy a flat, talk about having kids, set a date – all the great unmentionables that must never be brought up, the fucking elephants that fill this flat more than any of our junk.’
    â€˜Just stop it!’ she cried, standing up. ‘You have no right to throw these things back at me like they’re not important!’
    â€˜Of course they’re important! But you won’t ever discuss them. I’m the only one in this relationship who seems to have any kind of hope that there’s a certain future in it.’
    â€˜That’s not true.’
    â€˜No? Where do you see us living five years from now?’
    She threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. ‘Well, how would
I
know?’
    â€˜How about ten? What are we going to be doing?’
    â€˜I don’t know!’ she cried, bringing her hands down into fists and stamping her foot on the floor. ‘That’s not how I think anymore. I like just—’
    â€˜Living in the moment. I know! My God, do I know!’ Henry rolled his eyes, on his feet now. ‘The thing is, Cass, that doesn’t work for me – not now. If what’s happened to Arch proves anything, it’s that we don’t have a bloody clue what’s round the corner, and I don’t want to live with vague promises. I want you to be my wife, not my fiancée, not my girlfriend – my wife. I want us to belong to each other in every way possible. I don’t want there to be grey areas when it comes to
us
. I want to know you’re mine in good and bad, sickness and health. You may have been married for ten years, but
I
wasn’t and I’m not going into it expecting it to fail. I fully believe I’m going to spend the rest of my life with you. There isn’t a doubt in my mind.’
    He stopped – so suddenly that she double-blinked as she realized he was waiting for her to respond. This was her cue to chime in that there were no doubts in her mind either.
    She opened her mouth, but no sound came out. His surety was a luxury she just couldn’t afford. If they could just have a little more time without adding extra pressures on themselves, without needing contracts or titles . . .
    He looked away, a mirthless laugh on his lips. ‘And there we have it. That old chestnut – once bitten, twice shy. I guess it’s a cliché for a reason, right?’
    â€˜Henry—’
    â€˜Forget it. I’m staying at Suze’s tonight