Free Creature from the 7th Grade : Boy or Beast (9781101591833) by Andy (ILT) Bob; Rash Balaban Page B

of the spotlight in my eyes. I can make out Sam and Lucille in the back row, smiling and giving me thumbs-ups. And what do you know—Amy Armstrong has actually stopped doing her nails for once in her life and is paying attention to me. And giggling. There’s Larry Wykoff grinning as he scribbles notes on his pad. Rachel Klempner looks at him enjoying my speech and decides it’s okay to enjoy it, too. A bunch of Banditoes gathered in the third row laugh and poke each other in the ribs. Even the Schlissel twins seem to be having a good time. Craig Dieterly isn’t laughing. He looks extremely unhappy. This is really going well.
    â€œBefore I turned into a creature it’s not like my face was so great or anything,” I continue. “But at least I had one. Now all I’ve got is these two bulging eyes and jaws like a crocodile. With fangs like these, who needs teeth? My mother picked up one of my flippers this morning and tried to play tennis with it. I said, ‘Mom, you’re pulling my leg.’ She said, ‘Not hard enough!’”
    Will you think less of me if I tell you I had them rolling in the aisles? Well, I did.
    â€œSo in conclusion, I would just like to say, the next time you see a big scaly green lizard creeping across your front lawn . . . say hello. It could be me. Thanks, everybody. You’ve been great!” I wave to the crowd, bow, and head for the wings.
    Larry Wykoff puts down his pad and pen and applauds. A bunch of eighth-graders join in, whistling and stomping enthusiastically. A number of One-Upsters yell, “More, more!” Even Dr. Craverly stops pulling at his mustache hairs and joins in. Pretty much everyone except Craig Dieterly is clapping. He just stands by himself in the back and stares at all the people enjoying me and looks like he’s about to throw up.
    â€œRemember you’re still ‘provisional,’ Drinkwater. I’ll be watching you like a hawk. Step out of line and you’ll be out on your tail so fast you won’t know what hit you. I’m having Dr. Craverly draw up a special psychological evaluation of your recent behavior. We are keeping you on a very tight leash.” Principal Muchnick leads me off the stage and back the way we came. “Don’t let all that applause go to your head, Drinkwater. You were funny. But you weren’t that funny.”
    I don’t care what Principal Muchnick says. I rocked in there. Lucille is right. It’s not what others think, it’s what you think about yourself that’s important. And I think I brought down the house.
    As we exit through the stage door, Principal Muchnick scowls at me one last time and then hurries off to look for somebody to put in detention. Mr. Arkady glides over to me, smiling. “You are a good comedian, Mr. Drinkvater, I laughed like crazy. Beink a lizard brinks out your funny side. Don’t forget to come and see me in my office today. I have sometink to say to you.” He raises his bushy eyebrows and slinks gracefully away.
    A couple of eager fifth-graders rush up to me. One of them gets up the courage to hand me a piece of paper and a pen. “Autograph please, sir?” he asks nervously.
    â€œDon’t worry, I won’t hurt you,” I say. “I just look dangerous.” I sign my autograph with my right claw while trying not to rip the piece of paper with my left.
    â€œI’d like to ask you a question,” the boy asks. “If you don’t mind, sir.” He speaks so quietly I can barely hear him. His friends draw closer, anxious to hear what I have to say.
    â€œFire away,” I reply.
    â€œMy friends and I would like to know if you enjoy being a creature,” he asks.
    I have to stop and think for a moment. On the one hand I like the attention. And being taller than everybody else is cool. And it really seems to upset Craig Dieterly, which is pretty awesome.
    On the other hand for