Free The Diary of Geza Csath by Geza Csath Page A

giving up my attack on her. Little could she guess that all her wiles were in vain because my heart was completely taken.
She stayed at the baths almost six weeks. Zelma and she were on friendly terms, and while the former was at the baths, she didn’t try anything. Later, however, she frequently called, inviting me to her room during her hysterical fits, making even the chambermaids laugh at her. This woman had no fewer than five daughters, who frequently wrote her kind letters in spidery handwriting, called her ‘dear mamakins’, and were manifestly very attached to her. I didn’t understand the woman’s problem – she spoke of her lack of fulfilment and dissatisfaction in marriage as an excuse for her behaviour. But after all, siring five children is no small matter, and doesn’t exactly demonstrate impotence. No matter. I felt no inclination to relieve the woman’s unhappiness. Only rarely, when I examined her on the folding table and she was without corset and skirt, panting, with eyes covered in tears, looking at me almost pleadingly, it crossed my mind that I might take pity on her. But this was only a thought; no feeling accompanied it, because at these times my little Olga also came to mind. Now, far away in sweltering Budapest, in a curtained thirdfloor room, she was thinking of me, with sadness, sweetness, and loyalty. All alone she was moving about, coming and going, perhaps with a weak headache caused by longing and the heat. At these times I was further away than ever from violating the promise I made to her.Though I never appeared with Mrs B in public at the baths, quite a few people believed she was my lover. Perhaps the rumour originated with women like Mrs Ilancsy, who sat on the terrace of the restaurant, watch in hand, noting who visited my office and for how long. Mrs B often did stay a long time. She arranged things so that she would be my last appointment of the morning, so there would be no need to rush. She often sent delicacies from her husband’s store – cheeses, candied fruits, honey, gin – which I never consumed, however. I felt a kind of revulsion for her offerings, and gave everything to the doorman and the chambermaids. In contrast, with what divine enjoyment and gluttony did I consume the fine fruits my little Olga sent me.
    15. „But Doctor, what are you doing with someone so old?“ „You are not old, Madame, excuse the liberty I take, I am charmed by your beauty and overwhelmed by your youthfulness! Do not condemn me! I feel an infinite respect for you!“
    “far away in sweltering Budapest... she was thinking of me.” Good advice:
    1. Don’t forget, if coitus is not possible: there is still opportunity for O.C., 16 frotte, cunnilingus, coitus in anum, fellatio.
    2. We must have doubts about succeeding, but behave as if we had no doubt whatsoever.
3. It must not be forgotten that bromine, the barber, bathing, clean linen, heart-washes 17 , enemas, nose-washes, alcohol, etc. are tools which can be of much help in a difficult situation.
4. If we can no longer control ourselves: let us take an additional 1 gr. of bromine and wait half an hour, lying down.
5. Counting slow, deep, even breaths while lying horizontally affords self-control.
6. Fortification of the will is great work, and produces joy, but …
16. Obverso Corpore, known in the vernacular as 69 17. probably cold water applied externally
     
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    I want to write down in detail the hard day I had today. I dislike the number 19. From now on I must arrange things so that if possible I need not leave the house on this day.
    I woke at 9.00 and injected .012 P, then lay back down in bed. Euphoria did not come. I drank coffee without appetite and my cigarette did not taste good. I went down to the ward and started speaking to Somlyo, the paralysed ex-husband of Elza Szamosi. His disjointed chatter was sympathetic. He told me pleasant and frivolous anecdotes about his sexual life. The story of