Free Shades of Blue by Karen Kingsbury Page B

the beach in a patch of wild sea grass.
    The white wooden marker was visible if someone was looking for it, but otherwise she doubted many people noticed it. She stopped, breathing hard and fast from her run. Riley found a freshwater stream and helped himself to a long drink, but Emma barely noticed. She stooped down and touched her fingers to the rough-hewn wood. Etched into the cross was a single date. November 20, 1999. The sun and seasons had worn away the edges, making the letters less prominent. But they remained all the same.
    Along with every memory of that day.
    Emma stood and crossed her arms. For a long moment she turned her face toward the late afternoon sun and closed her eyes. The breeze was cooler today, and the warmth from the direct sunlight felt good. But it wasn’t strong enough to touch the cold inside her soul. If she’d known then what she knew now, there would be no white wooden cross, no unresolved sorrow shading every other color in her life.
    No lonely looming summer.
    She opened her eyes and stared at the water, at the place where the blues of sea and sky came together. What about Brad? Had he really been gone from her life for nine years? Were there never days when he woke with her in his heart, the way she still woke with him in hers? She could try to find him; the possibility presented itself some days when his memory was so real she could almost feel him beside her.
    But in the end common sense always won out. She wouldn’t call him when he had gone so long without calling her, without caring how she was doing and whether she’d ever gotten past the choices they made their last year together. If Brad didn’t care to contact her, she wouldn’t call him either. But that didn’t mean she could stop thinking about him.
    Especially in November and May.
    Riley was finished with his drink. He came to her side, breathing hard, ready for the run back. Emma reached down and patted the top of his head, scratching the softer fur near his ears. “Ready, boy?”
    The dog let out a quiet whine in response. He ran a few steps and then stopped and looked back at her. Come on, Emma. Get over it , he seemed to say. Just keep running … you’ll be okay .
    Emma looked back at the cross and bent down one final time, touching her fingers to the wood. She tried to imagine what Kristin would think of her if she knew about the cross and all it stood for. Kristin was the sort of girl Emma had wanted to be, the kind of girl she might’ve been if they didn’t … if she hadn’t …
    Riley whined again, and Emma took a long breath. “Okay … let’s go.” She set out down the sandy knoll back to the damp shoreline. She loved running, but lately she used her time pounding the shore of Holden Beach as a way of clearing her heart and soul, a way of searching desperately for the next thing. As if somehow by running she might reach a place where she could finally, fully move on.
    The training was good for her. Physically, she felt better than ever, and at this rate she’d be more than ready for the half marathon. The one Gavin Greeley was going to run. For the first mile of the run back home, she thought about Gavin. She liked him, would have liked knowing him better. But he wouldn’t want anything to do with her if he knew the truth. He was a good guy, a worship leader at his church of all things. He was holding out for an older version of Kristin Palazzo. Not someone with Emma’s wretched past. Not someone capable of Emma’s actions a decade ago.
    She tried to keep her mind on school and the final week before summer and the gift Kristin was putting together for her. But no matter what she tried, her mind found its way back to the same place. The stretch of sand right here on Holden Beach where she and Brad fell in love. Where they said good-bye. And like every other time she thought about him, she settled on the same sad reality. She missed him deeply, even though she hated him for leaving her, for never