Free Rumble Road by Jon Robinson Page A

28–14. He still owes me twenty dollars. Swoggle, if you’re reading this, you still owe me twenty bucks.
    The Abbot
    Kofi Kingston
    Miz and Hornswoggle both know that I am the Madden abbot and I run the Madden temple and give them lessons all the time. But as I can see, the lesson of humility has not been well taken by these two. To be honest, Hornswoggle lost to The Miz so bad that he really hasn’t been the same since. He hasn’t even played that much lately, the loss hit him that hard.
    As far as The Miz, you know The Miz, he’s a big talker, but last time we played I beat him 21–0. We have a 21-rule. It’s the skunk rule, where if you’re beating someone by 21, the game is over because you’re basically just wasting your battery at that point. After Miz was doing all his talking about how he was going to pick the Patriots, he ended up switching up so he could pick whoever he perceives is the best team. If he manages to win one game with a team, whatever team that is, that’s his new favorite team. No loyalty to the Browns . . . that’s where he’s from. But I’m from Boston, I’m a huge Patriots fan, so that’s my team in the game, I play as the Pats. Last time we played, it was 21–0 and it wasn’t even halfway through the first quarter. I don’t think it was fun for him at all, but it was great for the rest of the car because it was one of the few times he actually shut up all tour.

 
Four
Lost
    “We were seriously lost for my first ten years on the road.”
    —CHAVO GUERRERO
    Rey Mysterio calls me from the road to break down his GPS obsession. “I love this thing,” he says, and in the background I hear the GPS voice telling him to turn left. “I’m almost too obsessed with my navigation system, though, especially when I’m driving by myself. I’ll go back in and punch in the address two or three times just to make sure I’m going to the right place.”And why not, especially when one wrong turn can not only lead you in the wrong direction, it can sometimes even lead you to the wrong state.
    Are There Mountains
in Nebraska?
    Chris Jericho
    I can’t believe we ever found our way anywhere before GPS. You’d drive into town completely blind and head to the gas station and ask where the arena is or where the wrestling is. Most big cities have signs on the road for the arenas, but other than that, you’re really heading into these cities blind where you need to pull over and ask somebody where you’re going. And the thing that’s funny is, when you do this, you’ll go to the gas station and you’ll ask somebody where something is, and they’ll say either, (a), it’s two hours away, or, (b), it’s five minutes away. And you can ask ten different people how far away something is and they’ll give you ten completely different answers. Oh, it’s about an hour away . . . Oh, it’s about ten minutes away . . . Oh, it’s about a half hour away. It’s all people from the same town we’re asking, and they’re all giving us different answers. Where is it? People in general just have a really bad sense of direction, so I don’t know how we got by without the GPS . . . or cell phones. I remember having to wait for a pay phone by the side of the road. Either that, or you’d wait by the phone in your hotel room for your girlfriend to call. You’d give her the room number and a time to call, and you would just sit and wait for that phone to ring. You would never go out because you were always waiting to talk to somebody. And it’s hard to believe, that was only ten years ago. Now life on the road is a cakewalk compared to what it used to be like.
    We used to get lost all the time, though. It was Dumb and Dumber out there on the road. I remember one time with Eddie Guerrero and Dean Malenko, we made a right turn instead of a left and we were supposed to be headed toward Nebraska, when all of a sudden we saw mountains. We ended up in like Oklahoma or Colorado and were all like, “Where the